


Carnival Ride

by 20FacesChizu (UntappedChaos)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Album Challenge, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Carrie Underwood — Carnival Ride, Doctor Haruno Sakura, F/M, Haruno Sakura & Yamanaka Ino Friendship, Secret Marriage, Widowed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-19
Updated: 2011-01-19
Packaged: 2020-02-10 22:32:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18669688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UntappedChaos/pseuds/20FacesChizu
Summary: [Album Challenge]Her wedding day was a tragedy. Now the man she loves is dead, and she's married to the man she hates... but can she fall in love with the man who is her 'husband,' when he's half the reason her life is screwed up anyway?Welcome to the Carnival Ride.





	1. Just a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This work is old. a. f. 
> 
> Originally published this on FF.Net in 2010 and finished it in _exactly_ a year. I was pretty impressed by Carrie Underwood's album "Carnival Ride," and thought with the diversity of moods and topics, it wouldn't be too hard to rearrange the songs and get a coherent story.
> 
> So I challenged myself to do just that. 8D
> 
> I have since gone back and edited this story; it's even gotten a few extended scenes since the original was posted on FF. I hope y'all like it. Mostly just throwing it here for funsies. <3
> 
>  I'll even toss in the cover image I drew for it. ^7^/ <3

Sunlight streamed through the window.By the trajectory, she was fairly sure that she’d already slept half the day away, but it didn’t matter.Sakura could hear her lover stirring in the bathroom, probably taking a shower after his morning training.Kakashi had finally accepted a new Genin team last month, and their training was just as wonky as when her team made their debut.Nestled in the crisp sheets, she ignored the world a little longer, mentally sticking her tongue out at anything that tried to tell her it was time to get up.She grinned into her pillow as he sat down on the mattress behind her, finally rousing enough to think as he ran a hand over her bare arm.

“Sakura, it’s almost 1 o’ clock.Didn’t you promise Ino that you would go confirm the bouquet in half an hour?”She pouted and rolled over, looking up into Kakashi’s mask-less face.

“Killjoy.”His lips quirked, a half-smirk appearing on his unreasonably handsome features.

“What is second only to the lives of comrades?”

“I get it, I get it,” she grumbled lightly, reaching out from under the covers to grab his shoulder and haul herself upright.“Promises, right?”

She planted a sweet kiss on his lips before somersaulting out of the bed and ambling across the room. A moment of rummaging through her drawers produced a somewhat wrinkled T-shirt and pair of khaki mini-shorts that had likely been forced upon her by some outside influence.She certainly couldn’t remember buying them herself.Her former instructor’s strong arms wrapped around her shoulders, his nose buried in her hair.

“Don’t walk around like that.”

“Like what?” she asked, playing ignorant.Sakura rather liked the fact that she could tease him like this, walking around without a thing on knowing he was already restraining himself.There wasn’t a single reason for her to be ashamed of her body, and they both knew it.His hands dipped down and cradled her hips gently as he placed a light kiss on her nape.

“Don’t be late.”

“I don’t want to hear that from _you_ ,” she grimaced.He helped fasten her bra, which was quickly covered by an oversized shirt that was possibly Naruto’s.How it was eventually mixed into her clothes neither had a clue, nor did they particularly worry about it.Kakashi always ended up with a few items from him too, just from missions and the boy’s natural carelessness.“Are you leaving?”

“I received a special request from an old friend.Instead of a bachelor’s party, they wanted to drag me on one last mission to tempt fate.”Sakura paused while pulling up her shorts, shooting him a dirty look over her shoulder.He smiled crookedly, enjoying the view she was giving him despite the evil eye.He flopped gracelessly onto the edge of the bed.“Don’t worry, they’re not really anticipating anything.”

His eye was crinkling in a familiar way, and the casual civilian patch covering his Sharingan changed that nostalgic appearance very little.She wrapped her arms around his neck without a second thought, and with the height difference, his arms draped loosely around her legs in a return embrace.

It was only a little more than two years ago, if she counted, that she really and truly fell for him.After Akatsuki was destroyed, Madara and Obito defeated, and Uchiha Sasuke laid to rest…after all those things had taken a toll on their hearts, she had realized that the rock she ran to was Kakashi after all.She hadn’t relied on anyone else half as much as him.Even after realizing that, it had still taken her those two-and-then-some years to get him to this place. She didn’t want him to go on this mission.It felt unlucky.

“If you’re late, I won’t forgive you.”

“The wedding is in four days.I’ll be back in three, I promise.”

“Don’t forget that.”She pulled back and looked at him critically, unconsciously pouting.“Just…just don’t get in a hurry and mistakenly put the promise before your life, okay?It’d make me feel guilty if you got careless and something happened.”

“Do you really think I’d get that careless?”

A wry little smile quirked the corners of her mouth.He knit his fingers in her hair lightly, pulling her head down just enough to brush his lips softly over hers.Then in a moment, as if his closeness had only been an illusion, he was sitting casually on the windowsill while pulling up his mask.With a glance back over his shoulder, a single, slate-gray eye smiled at her lovingly.

“I promise I’ll come back on time and make you my bride, Sakura.”

* * *

“You’re absolutely _sure_ about these roses?I mean, they’re very _you_ , Forehead, but I honestly thought you’d go for something less traditional since you’re such a freak.”

Harsh language aside, Yamanaka Ino was genuinely Haruno Sakura’s best friend.No really, she was.Sakura held the rose up to her face, taking in its light, sweet scent along with its pale, parchment-yellow petals that were edged in a deep, vivid pink.

“This is definitely the one.I don’t know what to put with it, but these are my colors.Besides, you’re the Maid of Honor, remember?I picked soft yellow because it would look good on you.Once Shikamaru sees you dressed up and looking like an angel, maybe he’ll take the hint and propose~.”

Ino couldn’t bring herself to spit out any more insults.Her childhood friend was all smiles and happiness, and it was too rare to spoil.If Sakura were giddy and goofy there would’ve been no end to the ribbing she’d get (mostly out of jealousy), but with the sweet, quiet happiness she was exuding…it would’ve been a little bit like bullying Hinata.It would only serve to make her feel so guilty that she couldn’t stand it later.Ino was in charge of designing the bouquet and all manner of flowery-arrangement-ness of course, just as Tenten was managing all party favors and the guest list, and Hinata was handling the dresses.It wasn’t a really big thing…but Sakura was a medic.Medics make tons of friends.Sakura makes twice as many friends as normal medics.So…

Well, yeah, it _was_ kind of big for a shinobi wedding, but that was okay.It only served to make things more fun.

The sketchpad in her hand was nearly full, all of bouquet designs and notes.The one she was working on for _this_ marital malarkey was designed with that outlandish rose as its focal point, and accented by a soft-looking variety of ivy and slightly off-season plum blossoms.It was definitely a deviation from the normal bouquet, but that was fine; that was Sakura.

Sakura, who had refused to see any cherry blossoms at her wedding.The moment she said that, all those present at the declaration had unsuccessfully stifled a chorus of snickers.Naruto guffawed loud enough to be heard throughout the block, she was sure.

“Is Kakashi-sensei with his new team?” the blonde asked idly, tapping her pencil against the paper.She couldn’t decide if the way she had it was fine, or if it needed something else.

“No.Apparently, some old friend asked him to come on one last ‘mission to tempt fate’ as he put it.”Ino glanced up at her friend, who was now examining a glass case full of climbing flowers.She appeared to be admiring a half-closed morning glory, but the unconscious purse of her lips told the florist that she wasn’t exactly happy with the situation, even if she was trying to sound fine.“He promised to be back the day before the wedding, so it should be fine.”

“Sakura, if you’re going to worry, _worry_.You _do_ realize that worrying is the bride’s, a.k.a. _your_ , job, right?I’m going to say he’ll be just fine.He’s still in his prime, and a shinobi of his caliber just refuses to be killed, y’know?Still, don’t just stand over there and grit your teeth without saying anything.”Her pencil resumed its deliberate marking as she tried adding a few wisteria around the edge of the bouquet.After a second she decided that didn’t look right either, and erased it.Sakura was quiet for a while, simply wandering around the shop idly.When she stopped in front of the door, getting ready to leave, she responded at last.

“I know he’ll be fine, but I don’t like to worry.”

* * *

“Sakura-chan~!”

Naruto waved at her from down the street, and without thinking twice she grabbed Hinata’s arm, refusing to let the girl escape.The blush was already turning her face beet red mind you, but their relationship would never progress if timid heiress didn’t take some initiative.

“Going for ramen?” Sakura asked when they got closer.The blonde nodded vigorously.

“Stay and eat with me!The old man said it was his treat today.Hinata, you should stay too.You look like you’re about to collapse.Did you skip breakfast or something?”

Sakura was biting back a snicker.Hinata was blushing so badly that she didn’t even bother to speak because all that would’ve come out would be a futile stammer.Naruto, naïve as always, pulled the barstools out for the ladies, helping them politely into their seats. Sakura wanted to laugh even more as he comically bowed before plopping down next to his speechless admirer.The medic dearly hoped her friend wouldn’t have a nosebleed just from the proximity they shared; but she was threatening to turn purple as it was, so all that could be done was to cross her fingers.

Amazing how she, not Ino, had become the “Konoha Twelve” matchmaker.Neji and Tenten started going out after she ‘accidentally on purpose’ drugged him with an aphrodisiac, got her drunk, and locked both of them in an empty hospital room in the comatose section.Shikamaru finally got the guts to ask Ino out after Sakura handcuffed her to a tree, and Shika to her ankles, leaving them there overnight before sneakily dropping the key down Ino’s blouse (just for kicks, of course).Naturally the blonde read her the Riot Act for like…three _days_  afterward …but it wasn’t long before she was too happy to let the rough treatment bother her.Apparently, Shikamaru had talents other than his impossibly high IQ, Ino had no intention of letting anyone else in on the secret.

Hinata and Naruto stole glances at Sakura out of the corner of their eyes.She was grinning maniacally and staring off into space.Neither said anything.It was…yes, it was probably better to leave her like that.

* * *

Two days flew by.Ino was constantly bugging her about “those damn tacky roses,” and Hinata somehow made time to worry over her measurements every day.Tenten, thankfully, seemed to be the most together; that didn’t mean she stopped confirming the guest list three times a day, when she’d already done the same thing the day before.

The apartment Sakura lived in was decorated lightly; the living room was done in soft, varying shades of blue, accented with cream and dark brown.Of course, that room was currently buried under mountains of paperwork and books, which she was slowly clearing, filing, and shelving.This was the place Kakashi had bought for them to live together; though he spent most of his time here, he still had his own place.She’d moved in early…to redecorate.

Distractedly, her eyes stared at the ceiling fan.

It moved the air around; the windows were open, but there was only a slight draft.The weather was already getting on the warm side, even if it was only the tail end of March.The scent of blossoming trees was drifting in on its own accord, regardless of the lacking breeze.With the humidity still relatively low, air was light and sweet; easy to breathe.

Her mind was wandering.The night before he’d gone on this mission, Kakashi had stayed over and held her gently while she fell asleep, stroking her hair so softly that she wasn’t sure when he stopped, or if he ever had.Holding her while she fell asleep…that was the most he ever touched her.In his reserved, adult way of thinking, if something were to happen to him before they were married and she got pregnant, things would be too difficult for her.He used that as his excuse, and she wanted to throttle him just as much as she wanted to hug the stuffing out of him; because in its own way, it was super sweet.

Sakura could remember even now the wonder that shone in his eyes, his hesitance to accept her affection.Kakashi was timid when it came to really letting people inside his heart, letting them see him as he really was.She knew about his past with Rin, Obito, and the Yondaime; powerful, successive losses that had locked his heart in a dark place.Somewhere in his psyche, he was afraid that reaching out meant losing someone in terrifying ways.That was the sort of man she’d fallen for; despite his outward strength, he needed her to cover for deeply buried inner weaknesses.He _needed_ her.Allowing himself to finally admit that was probably the key, because he’d surely been a stubborn ass while she was chasing him.Sometimes she was _still_ chasing him, pulling him out of the mental mire he had a habit of creating for himself.

Kakashi’s affections made her so happy, though; when he finally let himself return them, Kakashi was prone to spoiling.Admittedly he couldn’t cook, and cleaning was probably quite close to the least of his talents, but he never missed the opportunity to walk her home from work, or bring her dinner on a long shift.He indulged her in the games she played, like sleeping naked with him when he swore he wouldn’t touch her.He brought her flowers occasionally; a rose here, or a daisy chain there.It gave her a giddy impulse to bounce on her toes, a silly smile spreading across her face as she considered what real ‘married life’ would be like with this man she had so determinedly pursued.

Sakura was already imagining, and wishing he would walk back into their apartment right this minute.He was supposed to be back today; he did promise.Suddenly, the wish to fling her self into his arms was overwhelming.Damn, she needed a hug.Despite the huge smile on her face, she felt a little like crying, her heart aching ridiculously.He’d only been gone a few days, but it felt horrible to be here without him.Sakura shoved the books and folders out of her lap, throwing open the bay windows that overlooked the street.

She needed air.

She wanted _him_.

* * *

“SAKURA!”

Ino’s screech accompanied the front door banging open, and in a matter of minutes the comfortable — and previously quiet — apartment was in an absolute uproar.

She had apparently fallen asleep on the windowsill.How careless.

Before her brain was even in gear, Ino was shoving her clothes and all into a freezing cold shower.Sakura slowly poked her head out from behind the curtain, hair dripping on the wooden floor pathetically as she shot her friend a baleful glare.

“Ino, put out your hands.Now.”

As if she couldn’t care less, the blonde complied.A few moments later, she was burdened down with a pile of soaking wet clothing.Sakura stuck her head out again.

“I need a robe and underwear.Until I am clean and dressed, no one is to enter this bathroom.”

The knobs properly adjusted, the water slowly warmed up to a comfortable temperature.It still took a few minutes for her to really wake up, but while thoughtfully scrubbing her hair, her brain started performing correctly.Stepping onto the cold linoleum served to bring Sakura the rest of the way to her senses.She toweled her hair lightly, scrubbing it this way and that, scrunching and petting and scratching as she went before tossing the oversized piece of terrycloth on the sink.

When she walked into her bedroom, a pair of frilly, deep blue underwear she didn’t recognize (she was already pinning a mental Ino-voodoo-doll to a tree) sat rather innocently next to the wedding dress on her bed, the white silk shimmering brilliantly in the sunlight that was pouring through the window.

Somehow, when she started putting it on, it felt like a miracle had happened.

The kimono sleeves slipped over her arms softly, barely rustling, and the short skirt swept around her knees so lightly it felt like nothing but air.Her feet slipped into a delicate pair of shoes that were embroidered with soft yellow lilies and pale green vines.When she looked in her dresser mirror, just a little, she didn’t really recognize herself.In awe, she reached out to touch the reflection before her, heartbeat speeding as she prepared herself for...

A commotion in the living room was what brought her out of her reverie.Hearing a male voice (one that wasn’t Kakashi’s, she was absolutely sure) made her curious about what was going on.Sneaking out the door and down the hall, Sakura paused silently just around the corner in case her husband-to-be really _was_ there and just hadn’t said anything.

“I’m telling you, I have to speak to Sakura-san!This is imperative, Yamanaka; Shizune-sama sent me with orders to find her immediately!” Izumo protested, his voice strained with urgency and something she didn’t want to identify.A nervous passel of butterflies started rioting in her stomach.

“Definitely not.The _bride_ is busy, y’got it?”

“It’s okay, Ino.If Shizune-san sent him, I’ll see him.”

When Sakura stepped around the corner, the room went silent for a moment.Izumo took a moment to shake himself before stepping forward, his only visible brown eye showing that, if at all, he hadn’t wanted to meet her like this.Pain.Almost tears.

“Sakura-san, I’m so sorry…Kakashi-senpai is...”

* * *

 

She was wearing a wedding dress to a funeral.She hadn’t had the strength to change.

The sun was shining so brightly, like all the flowers in the world would bloom, all wrongs would be made right, and sadness was a myth.

Oh, how she wished it would rain.Then no one would know she was crying. 


	2. Last Name

The apartment was clean.

Completely tidy, like a “Better Homes and Gardens” magazine.

On the table was an empty wine bottle, and a glass that looked completely untouched, save the last little droplet in the bottom, and a barely-there stain of lip balm on the rim.On the couch, Sakura was curled up with a blanket sleeping, her cheeks just the slightest bit flushed as proof she’d been drinking.

The house was silent.

Somehow, staleness had already settled in.

* * *

“Okay, so come back in two weeks and I’ll take those stitches out.Until then I want you to stay away from steam and water, and take a break from training.Don’t want you opening that up again.”

She whacked the Academy student on the back of the head affectionately, and he laughed.The minute he was off the hospital bed and out the door, Sakura stuck her head out the door and asked for the next patient.

“But… Sakura-san, you’ve been here for four days straight…”

“And?There’s work to do.Send in the next patient.”

The hesitant woman could only comply.Technically, even if Sakura was younger, she was their superior; there wasn’t a thing the receptionist could do about it.The young man that crippled to the room was favoring his left leg to the point of practically hopping on one foot.He’d probably be out in minutes, if the way the medic was working was any indication.

Working hard, working fast.Like a machine.

The office she kept was already sparkling clean, without a hint of paperwork.The Hokage’s medical office was the same way, as was Shizune’s. Sakura had willingly plowed through every last page of it until not a sheet was left.When the clerk was absolutely sure she could hear the calm, professional voice of the medic talking to her patient, she quietly picked up the phone and speed-dialed a familiar number.

Even if she couldn’t do anything, _that person_ could.

* * *

“… And you’re here…why?”

“To invite you drinking.Everyone’s busy and it’s too lonely to go by myself.”

Ino stood in Sakura’s office door with a nonplussed look on her face, mouth somewhere between a pout and a frown.Her body language was expressly telling her pink-haired friend that no, she wasn’t going _anywhere_ until the medic agreed.

“Whatever.If I go home I’ll end up drinking anyway.”

“Now that really _is_ lonely.Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s a social activity?”That comment was ignored.Sakura gathered up her bag and keys, paying no attention to the receptionist on duty as she signed out on the hospital log, which testified her initial arrival as five days ago.That was just a bit pathetic, but at the moment, she didn’t much give a damn.

The streets were lit brightly, with shops lively and full of people, decorated in various flashy, nonintrusive ways.Street lamps were unnecessary with the normal shinobi nightlife as it was.The lights flooded the streets and made it bright and almost festive.Down the main drag a ways, Ino cut off onto a small side street; in minutes they were in their favorite pub, the owner greeting them kindly as they settled on their stools.

“What’ll it be, ladies?”

“Just a beer, Shin.Thanks.”

“The strongest thing you’ve got in the biggest glass you’ve got.”

The redheaded young man looked at her in surprise but complied without saying anything.Shinobi were accustomed to drinking, he knew…and he supposed that she deserved it with what happened so recently.Everyone knew; it wasn’t a secret.When she started to sigh, he surprised her by popping a cherry in her mouth.

“Don’t do that, it makes your happiness fly away.”His taupe eyes gave away his only sign of pity, but knew even that much wasn’t very welcome.Haruno Sakura was not the type to seek condolences.She seemed to roll the cherry around in her mouth for a minute before she spat out the pit and stem on the counter.

“Oh look.I tied it in a knot.Can I have that drink now?”

* * *

“We’re a little shorthanded, so you’ll be by yourself; is that alright?”

“Iruka-sensei, I’m called ‘Earthquake Haruno’ for a reason, remember?”The blank — but somehow obviously unhappy — look she plastered on her face was chillingly clear: _Give me the damn mission or I’m going back to work at the hospital.Now, which will it be?_

“I understand, Sakura-san, I do!I was just making sure you didn’t mind!”

Just a little, despite her angry aura, he wanted to pat her hair like he used to when she was an academy student.He could remember the way she’d been with Kakashi; it was still that fresh in his mind.It was a quiet sort of romance; she relied on him completely, trusted him completely.Had long since given her self over to him; and Iruka sometimes got the impression that, to Kakashi, she’d been even greater than a lover.Like he revolved around her…like she was a goddess that had mercifully brought him to life.The fact that, even like this, he felt as if he could see the older man’s shadow behind her, a smile crinkling his only visible eye…

If _he_ was like this…it was certainly worse for her, right?

Iruka handed her the mission papers calmly, and she started scanning them.

“You’re to meet the clients three days from now at this southern port in the Tea Country.They’re traveling incognito, so you should go as a civilian.The owner says that he would appreciate if you would wear something to identify yourself inconspicuously, as he doesn’t want to give himself away by risking his own information.”

“I’ll go as myself.No one can question a girl with pink hair, right?”It was a slight relief that now, at least, she was smirking.Iruka smiled in return.

“I’ll be sure to send a hawk to let the client know.”

* * *

Two days.

He was friggin’ two _days_ late.

At the port-side pub, Sakura was the only woman to be seen.She had kicked, punched, pummeled and mauled at least a crew’s worth of seamen in these last two hellish days, and for every man she damaged, she drank her weight in alcohol.The liquor had, unfortunately, yet to go to her head.Still sober enough to touch her nose and walk a straight line was _not_ how she wanted to be at the moment.The bartender was now used to her; she’d simply borrowed one of the large corner booths in the seedy establishment and slept when and if she felt like it.He walked over to her while polishing a glass.

“Chouko-chan, if you keep drinking like that you’ll be bored, you know.Why don’t you go dance for a while?”She didn’t even flinch at his casual use of her alias.

“I’m not bored.I’m pissed.”

“Your husband a sailor?”

Her glass shattered when she set it on the cabinet, but over the noise of the music and the raucous din of the sailors, no one even noticed.Her anger was just tangible enough to intimidate the man in front of her.

“No, Kouji-san.I’m afraid the man I love has never been much for the sea.”

Slamming back the last of her foul-smelling cocktail, she slid from the barstool and ambled to the dance floor.The music was loud.Loud enough that she could feel it vibrating in her chest.A sultry, powered voice poured through the speakers.She was perfectly aware that most of the eyes were on her.She didn’t care.There weren’t many people dancing, other than the youngsters with a need to move.She didn’t even _look_ like one of them.More woman than girl; less soft skin and gentle curves than muscle and sharp angles.When a boy who was probably a little older than her ambled over, she actually allowed him to speak before pummeling him.

“Hey, cutie.Wanna join us for some poker?”Sakura eyed him blankly.She couldn’t care less about his obvious ulterior motives, but playing a little poker would’ve been another change of pace to keep her distracted.

“Sounds good.What’re the stakes?”

“Just a little petty cash.There’s no high-rollers ‘round this area.”He had a friendly smile.In turn, it probably meant that he was used to this.When she followed him to the corner table, another man was just returning from the bar with a round of beer for all.The introductions went around, and when they reached her, she was already picking up her drink.

“I don’t give introductions to men who lose to me.Win once and maybe I’ll tell you my name.”

* * *

The cards flew.After a dozen games, all of which she won, the sailors got a little frustrated.Then they just had to go and _dare_ her.

“Fact or fiction: there are seven primary shinobi villages?” she asked, a half-full bottle of whiskey in-hand.Around the table, men with various degrees of drunkenness had similar bottles.The young one that had invited her over was long since under the table.Whatever had become of him, she had no idea.

“Fact.”The others drunkenly agreed with the bearded man that barely managed to slur out the word.Hardly phased, Sakura knocked back the last of her whiskey in a single, long draught.Kouji was already serving her another bottle, a concerned twist to his lips.

“Fiction, suckers.”

They were beginning to look at their bottles like they were the devil himself.She’d probably turned them into nice, sober gentlemen after tonight.Sakura turned to her new bottle, popping off the cork and taking a quick swig.They hadn’t won a thing.Kouji-san had been forbidden to mention her name (alias though it was).The poor bastards had challenged the impossible mountain, thinking she was the molehill in their back yard when they were unknowingly setting foot on Everest.When she slammed another empty bottle on the table, there was a slight ringing in her ears.

So. It would take her two days of nearly constant alcohol intake to get drunk.That was good to know.

Liking the fact that she was about to start really forgetting things, she summoned the bartender for another two bottles of whiskey.By the time Sakura finished them off, her unlucky companions were passed out on the table, and the music that had at first only resonated in her chest was now creeping like electricity over her skin.She wanted to dance, so she did.Her balance wavered just the slightest as she shimmied her way to the dance floor, but she didn’t care.

She didn’t even care that all eyes were on her.She wasn’t out of place or anything, right?She was just wearing a pair of slacks and a tank top.Nothing extravagant, and nothing that looked ninja-ish, but the way she could feel the attention…she decided that she didn’t mind it.That it was a little gratifying.

It was gratifying, but there was some incomprehensible feeling that said it wasn’t _right_.She was a single young woman, though; wasn’t it fine to feel attractive and sexy?Something scratching at the back of her mind said that dancing alone wasn’t a good idea.Something…in a very masculine voice that seemed warm and familiar.

_Kaka… shi…_

The minute his name came to mind, Sakura didn’t feel like dancing anymore.It was still the middle of a song, but she simply stopped moving and went to the bar.

“Another one please, Kouji-san.”

“I thought you were going to dance!”

“I did.I don’t want to anymore.”

Vaguely, she was aware of someone taking a seat next to her.

“If you hit on me, I swear I’ll gut you.I can do it while you’re alive for emphasis.”He didn’t answer.Whether it was because he was pissed, shocked or ignoring her she really didn’t care.

“I’ll have what this pleasant young woman is drinking.”In surprise, she gave a dry, barking laugh.He didn’t startle then, but when two bottles of whiskey settled on the counter side-by-side, he seemed to stiffen.She cackled.

“What, is the drink too tall for you, _young man_?”She didn’t feel compelled to observe his reaction more fully;Sakura’s cork was soon on the counter, drinking the liquor like water.Burn aside, she made it look smooth and easy.It took a minute, but the stranger eventually followed suit.Kouji wandered over to her, polishing yet another glass.

“Chouko-chan, do you realize just _how many_ of those you’ve had?”

“Nope.Don’t care either.I’m sure my wallet can handle it.”

“…That’s really not the issue here, you know…”

“What is it, then?”

“A single young lady shouldn’t be knocking back twenty bottles of pure grain alcohol a night,” he deadpanned.The customer next to her made no comment on her consumption, but he _did_ seem to think twice about the bottle in his hand.

“I’m not drunk yet, am I?”

“You’re not exactly _sober_ , if that’s what you’re asking.”

“We knew that when I started.What sober human would even think about drinking so much?They’d probably have alcohol poisoning before they even got halfway through it.”Sakura took aim, and then threw the bottle in the wastebasket.Her strong arm overshot it, unfortunately, and it shattered on the wall above the dingy receptacle before falling to its intended grave. Satisfactorily disposed of (a little _too well_ disposed of, in Kouji’s opinion), the kunoichi turned back to her new favorite person.

“Another.”

“No.”

“Can you really say no, Kouji-san?I’m a paying customer with good money, lots of it, and who causes absolutely _no trouble_ no matter _how much_ she drinks, right?”She smiled sweetly.In all honesty, if he hadn’t been watching her the last three days, he would’ve thought she was still stone cold sober; it didn’t show.Begrudgingly, he slid another bottle onto the cabinet.

“What number is that?”Sakura heard the stranger next to her ask, but she didn’t really care to answer.She could see from the corner of her eye when the young bartender sent the stranger a withering plea for help with his eyes.

“This would be her twenty-sixth, sir.”She paused mid-swig.

“I was sure it was only my twenty-second…”

“You passed up the twenty-second one when you were still playing fact or fiction with those people who are now deadweight in the corner, Chouko-chan.”

Sakura shrugged and took a few more gulps from her bottle.The smoky, smooth flavor was still burning down her throat in a way that got more delightful as time passed.In the next minute, she was dunking another bottle in the garbage can.

“Another, Kouji-san.”

“Chouko-chan–!”

“I don’t want to hear it!”He startled.She… hadn’t raised her voice before.“Kouji-san…please.Just give me the drink.I can still remember.Just be so kind as to let me _forget_.”

The nights she’s slept, locked in a warm embrace, were still clawing at her mind.The times she’d been saved.Healed.Cared for.Every time he’d touched her face, or given her a smile where she could really appreciate it, face open and unmasked beneath her lips and wandering fingers.She could feel every time he’d stroked her hair, and every kiss, soft and tender or hard and heated, that he’d ever lain upon her lips.

She wanted…just simply wanted to forget.

After that, she wasn’t really sure how many of those bottles she drank.More than too many.Kouji’s protests had stopped after that, and she hadn’t paid any attention as she knocked back one decanter of liquor after another.She didn’t know when, but at one point she started to feel…light.There was a weight that seemed to grow legs and walk off for a little while, and during that time, she remembered going to the dance floor again.The stranger that sat beside her came up and danced with her.The blur of lights, the loud music, and the crowd of bodies that had steadily grown with time blended, becoming a fuzzy picture that didn’t seem nearly as dependable later as it had at the time.That figure, also.That dark, tall, somehow beautiful figure of the stranger that spoke kindly but didn’t really have a face.

He whispered… 

“ _Sakura…_ ”

Forgetting who she was, she answered.

* * *

The sun was rising, and she could only think one thing.

_Dammit, it’s morning._

Sakura stared blankly at the window where sunlight was ever so cheerfully streaming in and willed herself not to roll over and go back to sleep.There were a few reasons for that.

One, she didn’t know where the hell she was.

Two, she couldn’t remember a damned _thing_.

The clean, rather plush hotel room was decked out in red and chocolate brown.The bed she was laying on was thick and unbelievably comfortable, and the soft, down-filled suede coverlet was pleasant on her skin where the sheet had slipped away.

Her clothes were everywhere.

When she sat up, the medic noted uneasily that she was absolutely naked, and that her hips were aching uncomfortably.

_Well, I’ve certainly done something crazy this time…_

Ten minutes.Just ten minutes and she was up, washed off and dressed.On the dresser, there was a receipt that stated her tab at the bar had been paid, and for that, she noted her wallet hadn’t lightened any.Whoever managed to pick her up had been gentlemanly enough to pick up her tab while he was at it.She was just about to leave through the door… but he was _back_.

To meet him seemed… awkward, at best.Without a sound, she leapt away from the door, turned tail, and disappeared through the window.

It wasn’t until later, _much_ later, after her angry client had finally resumed his journey with her en-tow, that she realized an unexplained gold ring was hugging innocently to her finger.


	3. The More Boys I Meet

“You’re… what?”

“I’m busy tonight.I’m filling in for someone who couldn’t go to Miyu-san’s goukon at the last minute.”

Ino stared at her best friend, completely flabbergasted.

“…You _are_ the recently widowed Sakura, right?”

“I’m not a widow.He died before we got married, remember?”

“Sakura!”

“It’s true, right?”

The medic looked like she had absolutely nothing to worry about over the confession.As if Kakashi’s death _hadn’t_ turned her into a walking corpse for weeks.As if she _hadn’t_ just returned from a mission that seemed like something had inexplicably gone wrong.  Ino watched as Sakura stacked a pile of papers neatly on her desk, and then returned to writing on another sheet of unidentified medical necessity.

“Look.I can’t keep grieving forever, right?We’re in a kill or be killed business.”There was a complacent smile on her face.Ino tried to say something, but Sakura interrupted before she could.“Don’t worry.This is a part of my ‘moving on’ process.Understand?”

“…If any of them make you cry, I swear I’ll kill them in their sleep, okay?”

* * *

Plain.Boring.Ugly.Ugly as hell.Plain.

In that sort of general order were the descriptors she had attached to the guys that showed up at the so-called ‘goukon.’‘Boring’ was fighting with ‘Ugly as Hell’ to see who would be her escort for the evening.

Personally, she chose Boring; if only because he was somewhat easier on the eyes.

“And then Sora was like ‘OMG, YOU DIDN’T’!”

“Miyu-san’s a daredevil!”

The conversation, which was far too squeaky clean for Sakura’s taste, was quickly degenerating into a “who can tell the funniest story in more words than anyone should ever use” sequence.She’s already heard about sneaking into some American’s hotel room because someone thought confusing him would be fun, walking to postboxes naked on a dare, transforming into a kid and seducing a lolicon, and a host of other unbelievably stupid antics.

Though she had to admit.The story with the lolicon didn’t put her to sleep; it toed at funny, but after being Naruto’s teammate for so many years she was immune to their…less than creative tactics.

Still, to be a nice, proper, not-practically-widowed young lady, Sakura was having to keep her distance from the bar.If a guy challenged her to a drinking contest and she still walked home in a straight line, that wouldn’t be good for her dating reputation.

For some reason, Boring and Ugly as Hell were still arguing over who would walk her home tonight.Ugly and the two Plains were in effect attached to Miyu at the hips; that was fine, since it was supposed to be her party anyway.Sakura sighed.

Miyu’s Goukon Pickup Plan: Grand Failure.

* * *

The next goukon, a week later, was much the same.Save that the second Mr. Plain was replaced by second and third Mr. Uglies.Sakura was very thankful when Naruto somehow showed up out of the blue and dragged her off for sake and ramen.

The week after wasn’t quite such a disappointment.They at least had looks to their credit, though they were generally a little older than before.One guy with jet-black hair was showering her with very flattering attention, and she allowed him to walk her home that night.

Before she even made it through the door, she’d thoroughly decided he was too grabby.He was so grabby that she had decided no guy had any right to _be_ that grabby.Especially not on a ‘first date.’

The week after, the selection was quite varied.There were guys with a simple sort of charm, and those that were blatantly good-looking, and one that just might’ve used a transformation to look like he did, simply because he was so drop-dead gorgeous.The one that was so beautiful, unfortunately, was much like Naruto at his worst: the class-clown type.Such a waste.Even though he seemed to take a liking to her, Sakura couldn’t really stand the thought of going out with him.

Put looks and intelligence on a scale, and intelligence will weigh in every time.

The restaurants were always cheap, whatever food they ate was generally mediocre, and the sake, what little she drank, was never any good.So she wasted most every Saturday night in the same manner.Ino would invite her out every Friday, because the next night was always booked.When she happened to ask her best friend what they talked about at such things, since Ino herself had never been of any mind to go, Sakura would say, “Anything, as long as it’s boring, mundane, supposedly funny but isn’t, unintelligent, or just plain stupid.My brain is choking on their bubbles.”

It’s not like she wasn’t trying.They were welcome to amuse her with intelligent conversation and witty comments.Perhaps in contrast to her knowledge of the medical field, they could come up with something from literature.At the very least, there would be someone who could amuse her with something like that, right?Sakura heaved a sigh and glanced around the table.

Tonight’s main dish was, apparently, the sulky-but-cute bad-boy type.

Well.It _was_ her type, once upon a time.Trying to get her in bed on the first night was just as bad as the grabby dude from weeks ago, though.

The next week, she had an oversized kid chasing her.Maybe it was her maturity level.Even if he was amusing, witty, and even a little adventurous (she had to admit it, really: he was awesome fun to hang out with), the ego was a real problem.Naruto’s ego and none of his substance.

Yeah.She would keep his phone number.They were _just friends_.

Ino called one night, several months later, and asked how it was going.

“I think I’m just gonna foreswear guys.Wanna come with me and pick out a dog?”

* * *

October had come roaring in with bitter cold and wild winds.The leaves, still stubbornly clinging to their branches, created a constant background of white noise.It rained often, and regardless of when it didn’t, the skies remained a dreary gray.

On this unfortunate Thursday off, Sakura curled up with a blanket on her window seat and stared across the street.Just over the top of another building, she could see a park and a playground; as expected, it was abandoned due to the horrible weather.Behind her, the floor was littered with empty bottles, a few old casks sitting in the corner.Crumpled pieces of paper, whole pieces of paper, open and closed books, files and movie cases speckled every surface between her seat and the kitchen door by which she left for work every morning.The TV was silent as always, and so was the stereo system.A little drip from the faucet went generally unnoticed as it fell into the cracks of a small mountain of dishes in the kitchen sink.

She took a slow draught from her half-empty sake bottle.

This was what happened that night, right?She’d fallen asleep in this very spot, waiting for Kakashi’s promised return.He’d promised with a real smile.

_“I promise I’ll come back on time and make you my bride, Sakura.”_

He’d been looking at her gently, like he did every time he told her he loved her.He was telling the truth.So what in hell’s name happened?

She didn’t cry; her tears were run out from all the crying, or rather she felt a deep, relieving numbness that made it feel unnecessary.The bottle beneath her hand had grown warm where she held it.The arm resting on her knee was falling asleep, it’d been there so long.Her mouth was dry as medical gauze, and she wasn’t doing anything about it.The liquor certainly wasn’t helping.

Vaguely, she looked down at the ring on her hand.

It wasn’t Kakashi’s ring… so why was she still wearing it?

* * *

“So, there’s this new hottie in town that says he’s a traveling medical student from Grass Country, you see?And I was all like, ‘OMG, one of my best friends is a medic too!Should I introduce you?!’And he was totally up for it!I mean, I know you’ve like, sworn off guys or something like that, but make an exception, mmkay?”

The babbling voice on the other end of the line was none other than Miyu, the very person that had ever so quickly invited her to a goukon when Sakura mentioned it.The medic knew from the beginning that, despite her dark purple hair, the girl was a blonde through and through.A blonde in disguise, born that way, raised in the country of Valley Girls.Something.

At any rate, if there was a simple way to describe her, it was ‘ditz.’No contest.

“Miyu-san, I _did_ foreswear men.I don’t want to this time.Last time wasn’t exactly inspirational you know.”She was having to restrain herself from giving a deep, soul-cleansing sigh that would tell the girl just how much she _wasn’t_ looking forward to this.

“I promise, Sakura!Look, he’s exactly your type!”

_Which, according to you, is Sasuke._

“He’s super smart!”

_Which, compared to you, would be a houseplant._

“He’s reeeally polite!”

_Which, considering you, would mean he’s a smooth-talking playboy._

“Miyu-san, did you absolutely _promise_ that I would meet him?”She could practically hear the girl nodding vigorously on the other end of the phone.

“Yup~!I told him that you and I would be happy to meet him at the yakiniku place at seven~.”

_Which means if I leave you alone, there’s no telling what manner of trouble you’ll get into.Damn it._ Sakura bit her lip.The desire to sigh was becoming even more prominent.

“…Alright.Just this once, Miyu-san.But don’t go promising dates for me anymore, okay?”The giggle on the other end of the line was grating on her nerves.The pen in her hand was certainly letting out a silent death-screech as she snapped it in two.

“Yes, ma’am~.So, you have two hours!See you there~”

After which she quickly hung up.Just like that.

No good-bye, no promise that she wouldn’t do it again, no apology at all, not even in her voice.

In her quiet medical office, the hum of the heater was her only company.Sakura glanced up at the clock and finally let loose the sigh she’d been holding in.Probably a year’s worth or more, it sounded like.

“I guess… I need to get going, then.”

* * *

Sakura arrived at the small shop a half-hour early, fully intending to pick out the battleground herself.She would choose that delightful little booth behind a pot plant, next to the window and just around the corner from the ladies’ room, where she could escape through the bathroom window if the need arose.

Depending on what he was like, she might or might not drag away Miyu-san as well.Even kicking and screaming.

“Haruno… Sakura-san, correct?”

Well, she was a little surprised.Sakura turned to find herself looking at a young man who was, by guess, a few years her senior, with neatly cut brown hair and warm, honey-colored eyes.Somehow, her ‘observation mode’ kicked in without permission, and started mentally noting the aristocratic touches to his face, and the way he seemed to have a special, knowing aura projected from his eyes.How he held himself tall, but bowed just slightly as he inquired of her with respect.The way his face changed to look at her curiously reminded her that she hadn’t answered his question, and she nodded.A small, somewhat… admirable, was it?Yes, an admirable smile appeared on his face, and he drew himself up to full height, his lips quirked slightly in a whisper of a smile.

“I’m glad.I was afraid for a moment that I had called out to the wrong person.I believe that our mutual acquaintance, Hoshimura Miyu-san, intended to introduce us.Am I late, by chance?”

She blinked.He _was_ very polite.How weird.

“No, we’re both a little too early.”Sakura tried to school her features into something that could be passed as social politesse.When he gestured to a table on the other side of the restaurant, she was slightly unsettled, but followed his lead.The waiter came over and he ordered her a drink that she knew had a warm, sweet taste.She’d had it before.“Why did you order something like that for me?”

He looked surprised, if you observed him closely.Another small smile was quirking the corners of his lips.

“It’s cold out.I thought it would warm you up.”

“You’d usually you’d order tea or coffee, right?”

“Perhaps, but everyone likes to try something different from time to time.”

It wasn’t as though the conversation dried up.It wasn’t as though she was incapable of small talk.Still, the next hour was whiled away in comfortable silence as they waited for their wannabe Cupid to show up.They sipped their drinks and people-watched out the window.Occasionally the sun would peek through the clouds and set a spotlight somewhere on the streets.Mothers on the way back from shopping walked with arms full of grocery bags, and chatted with each other about the latest gossip.Once in a while, some of the conversations would drift to the couple across the glass.The dinner rush came and went as dusk began to fall.Sakura dragged her eyes away from the window and glanced at the wall clock.Their third wheel was nearly two hours late.

She probably hadn’t intended on coming at all.

“Miyu-san… isn’t coming, I suppose.”The young man was still staring quietly out the window.Sakura let out a short breath; the closest thing to a sigh she’d let him see.

“She probably didn’t intend to show up from the beginning.Since we’re already late, I believe I’ll give my overdue introduction in her place.”She bowed her head politely, green eyes raising to meet his with a strong, firm gaze.“As you said, my name is Haruno Sakura.I am one of the lead medics at the hospital, as well as the medic for my team, Kakashi-han.”

She had to stop and swallow.They weren’t really… Kakashi-han anymore.

Hadn’t been for… months.

“I am pleased to meet you in person, Sakura-san.”His honey-brown eyes held hers, but his soft voice seemed hesitant as he spoke.Without introducing himself, though, he cast a purposeful glance at her hand.

“I see… you’re still wearing it.”From her left ring finger, the delicate gold wedding band glimmered in the restaurant’s low lighting.

When she looked back up, his eyes were red.The world seemed to tip, and then it went dark altogether.

* * *

Fingers and hands.A big, warm hand was wrapped around hers as they stumbled out of the bar.Sakura recognized this place; it was that seedy joint in Tea she waited for that asshole of a client for nearly three days.She was laughing hysterically and wasn’t sure why.The man next to her was smiling widely, but silent.Who was this?She couldn’t even see his face clearly, but she got the impression that he made her feel good.Her stomach had butterflies, but that might’ve just been the alcohol talking.They stumbled down the street, leaning on each other, and he murmured something sappy in her ear.What a romantic.How cute.

At one point they clattered through the doors of a church, startling a reverend.What the young man was saying she didn’t have the slightest clue, but when she heard his voice questioning her, she agreed.All the sounds were so indistinct.It was annoying, but his smile was too adorable.The old pastor looked as though he were worried about her, but proceeded to pull out a cracked, black book.

When he said, “Repeat after me,” she did just that, and didn’t even store away what she was saying.

Fingers and hands.The young man slipped a tiny gold ring on her finger.It didn’t match what she was wearing; silver would’ve been the better choice.Then he…kissed her; and when he kissed her, the metal her ring was made from didn’t matter much anymore.A callused thumb was running over the back of her hand, and after a very brief moment, she was up in his arms.He was sprinting across rooftops at an insane speed that made her dizzy, that felt like flying the way the wind pushed at them.Windows from a balcony spread open wide when he pushed at them with his foot, and before long, they were an endless tangle of smooth cotton sheets, suede covers, warm skin, and silky hair.He lavished her body with attention that she’d only ever dreamed of, and she could hear him whisper her name over and over again…

_Sakura…_

_…Sakura…_

_Sa… kura…_

* * *

When she woke up, Sakura wasn’t looking at the darkened ceiling of her bedroom.She wasn’t staring at the hospital’s clinically clean white walls.She wasn’t gazing at the wooden ceiling of the yakiniku place, or up through the somehow always-smoky air of the local bar.

That paneled ceiling, pockmarked in places where something had stabbed through (probably very old miss-aimed Konohamaru attacks), was indubitably the Hokage’s office.

“Are you awake now, Sakura?”

The sound of her teacher’s voice made her feel a little better. Surely she’d been dreaming, passed out on the couch after a long shift.She would sit up and find herself helping with paperwork in the next few minutes, and would continue to do so until the Hokage’s office was again spotless, without a scrap of paper in sight.

She never saw that pair of black-flecked hellfire eyes.She never did.Nor would she ever, since by all reports every Uchiha on record was dead.

“Sakura, you recall that information we received from Sasuke before his death concerning the Uchiha massacre, correct?” the woman asked sternly.Sakura nodded as she sat up, smoothing out some of the wrinkles in her clothes and stretching a little to rid her back of a kink or two.“Uchiha Itachi has, for the record, been cleared of the murders of the Uchiha Clan, as they were under the previous administration’s order.Sakura, have you forgiven Itachi?”

The girl turned and looked at her mentor in surprise, to find that glowing golden countenance examining her with piercing eyes.Had she…forgiven him?

“What was there to forgive?He wasn’t at fault,” she hedged, glancing away self-consciously.

“Sakura, look me in the eye and say that’s what you really mean.”She couldn’t.Because honestly, she couldn’t decide if forgiving him was within her rights.There was a lot more to this than Itachi’s personal past; there was his interaction with Sasuke and Naruto weighing on her mind.She couldn’t fathom why her teacher was bringing this up now.“You have a lot to lay against that man, and not all of it lies with the Massacre.He motivated Uchiha Sasuke’s original betrayal.His death was what turned the boy against Konoha, and inspired him to join the Akatsuki.He has injured you physically; and by injuring those around you, mentally.He isn’t an existence you consider lightly.”

Those critical, tawny eyes softened with a knowing pity that made her want to hide.

“You, possibly more than anyone else alive Sakura, have reason to hate that man.There’s no use in denying it.”

An overbearing silence hung in the room.It was dark outside and dawn was still a long way off.The only light was the dirty old desk lamp, which was a relic from who-knew-when.Between the two of them, there were no secrets.There had never been a need for secrets.Even now, there wasn’t, because she would admit it.

“I…haven’t really forgiven him so much as…maybe just come to terms with him.He’s dead, so forgiveness isn’t worth much.He had his reasons too, and I can understand them.I don’t _like_ them...but being a shinobi, I can _comprehend_.”She tried to turn her eyes up to meet her teacher’s, but the furthest she could get was the edge of her dark, old desk.Whether it was shame, or… or whatever else it might’ve been that kept her from looking up, she didn’t know.“He may have traumatized Sasuke, but he couldn’t kill him.He may have made him seek vengeance, but it was to set him as a faithful shinobi of Konoha.He didn’t return to taunt him, but to protect him.He didn’t go after any of our or our allied ninja actively, but passively.He was a pacifist that only acted against us to continue his farce.”

“Since you understand that, I really do hope that you’ll come to forgive me.”

The introduction of a voice that just barely remained in her memory snapped her to attention, green eyes pinning on a figure hidden in the shadow of a weathered bookcase.Black-flecked hellfire, a glowing brimstone red stared back.

Without even seeing him move, _that man_ came to crouch in front of her, and peered into her eyes quietly.The eerie glow drained away, leaving the dark-night black that she remembered from long ago in his little brother.

“I am pleased to meet you as myself, Sakura-san.”He held up his left hand, and there was a gold, woven-ivy band on his ring finger.“I apologize for the inconvenience, but as it stands… I am filled with joy to be with my bride.”


	4. Flat on the Floor

Sakura had silently admitted to herself at one point that, technically, she was no longer single; technically, ‘Haruno’ was not her last name anymore.Her one-night-stand “husband” was, however, someone that she hadn’t wanted to so much as _acknowledge_ , much less meet.

Still, she hadn’t been able to take off the ring.

Oh sure, she could’ve removed it.It wasn’t stuck on her finger with a jutsu or anything quite so elaborate.She just… hadn’t wanted to, without really knowing why. Now, Uchiha Itachi — the impossibly _alive_ Uchiha Itachi — was presenting himself to her; and apparently, they were married.

_Somebody stop the ride; I wanna get off now._

“I want an annulment.”

“I believe the provision for an annulment is that the marriage is unconsummated.”

“Fine.I want a divorce.”

“I believe divorce is something that involves more paperwork than a supposedly ‘dead’ man should be able to file, don’t you agree?”

“I am not going to marry an S-class criminal.”

“An S-class _shinobi_ , Sakura-san.I am no longer classified as a criminal by Konoha standards.Also, ‘marry’ is the wrong grammatical tense; we are _married_.”

She growled at the insistent man across the room.He was _amused_ at this, dammit!She’d left that office without looking back and _ran_ at breakneck speed all the way home, and that bastard actually had the gumption to follow her.He currently stood relaxing against her doorframe, probably watching with great mirth as she buried as deeply into her bed as possible, as though it would magically get her out on the winning side of this argument.

An argument that shouldn’t have even been _possible_.He was supposed to be a criminal.He was supposed to be dead.

Above all, this should’ve been Kakashi.Her stupid fights and fits and impossible arguments were supposed to be with _Kakashi_ , not the Uchiha she’d spent the greater majority of her life despising.Now she chewed on her lip, hoping he couldn’t hear her crying herself to sleep from the door.Was that all that was left to her?Wishing on stars for impossible things?If she ever got her hands on the Fates, they were dead.Permanently.

She thanked God for her bloody sense of humor before finally settling into sleep.

* * *

It was five o’clock in the unforgiving, godforsaken predawn.Around this time her apartment would usually be cold, dark, and lifeless.

This morning, the lamp on the other side of the bed was turned on, as were the bathroom and hall lights.Sakura cast them an evil eye, already preparing her half-asleep mental faculties for the most likely reasons why.Throwing the covers aside, she padded across the rug-strewn wooden floors toward the bathroom door, warm with steam from a perfectly inviting bath.The towels and her clothes were all properly set out on the cabinet next to the sink, orderly and straight.It would be a waste not to enjoy it…right?Double checking for traps, she closed the door and set the nastiest genjutsu trap man or beast had ever _seen_ at the threshold before giddily testing the water.It felt so glorious that she dropped all reserve, tossing her clothes off in the hamper before slipping into the tub to enjoy the rare little luxury.

When she stepped out into the hall, clean and dressed for work, the delightful smell of an actual breakfast met her nose.

In the kitchen, the dinette was set.There was a placemat, and the silverware set out was gleaming.A fancy white plate she barely remembered owning was ready with eggs and sausage, and toast on a similar, small plate to the side.An assortment of jams and jellies were scattered over the table that she hadn’t even realized she possessed.Orange juice, milk, fruit, whatever she could’ve wished for, it was definitely there.The fancy presentation was even garnished with a vase hosting small arrangement of flowers in the middle.

To her left side of the kitchen with the cabinets and appliances, she could feel Itachi watching her.Sakura turned and looked at him uneasily.He didn’t look so sure of himself either, but offered a small smile.

“Anything else I can get you?”

“…Coffee.”

“Understood.”

Now, it wasn’t that she was accepting him being here.It’s just…you don’t look at a bountiful, amazing breakfast like this and say, “Sorry, I don’t eat first thing in the morning.”You just don’t.So instead, she sat down at the table and scooted her chair in, examining the sumptuous meal sprawled out before her.

…Now that she looked at it, though, the toast was a little burnt…and the eggs were just a little dry.

She glanced at the sink; even though he’d made an effort to clean up, it looked like he’d dirtied half her cookware in one go.On his nervous face, which was currently concentrating so very hard on making coffee, Sakura could easily see the little bit of red staining his cheeks.He’d just tried really extra hard to make her this fancy breakfast when, apparently, he wasn’t so very good at cooking. _So, meeting me first thing in the morning after last night_ ** _wasn’t_** _his reason for being rattled._

“…When are you going to leave?”He startled, a bare flinch of the hands, before picking up the coffee pot and pouring two mugs full.He set one on the table before her.

“According to Tsunade-sama, we will be allowed to handle this situation at our own discretion.I will stay with you unless you decide to leave with me.”

Strawberry jam-covered toast halfway through a bite, it was Sakura’s turn to pause.He planned on staying.

…He planned on staying?!

She choked on her breakfast, and in alarm, the young man set his coffee on the table and handed her a glass of milk, which she emphatically shoved away.Sakura cursed violently between her coughs until the fit calmed.Itachi stood at her side patiently, soaked from stomach to knees.Broken glass littered the floor at his feet, evidence of her refusal.

“The hell you’re staying!I am not living under the same roof as you!”Her glare was met with a pair of sad, dark eyes.

She didn’t care.

She _hated_ him.It was easy to convince herself of that, his position strangely opposing and yet overlapping with Kakashi.Sakura bit the inside of her lip, carefully reigning in her temper.

In a rage-filled silence, she stood and shouldered her bag, walking around him to reach the kitchen door.When she spoke, it was over her shoulder.He wasn’t supposed to be here.She didn’t want to see him in the house where he didn’t belong, standing in the place Kakashi should have been.

“Itachi, I want you out.Just leave, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.”

* * *

Her hospital shift wasn’t long enough.She didn’t want to go home.

“Sakura-san, I know you’re supposed to leave in a few minutes, but–?”

“Yes?What can I do for you?”

“Umm…one of the genin was bitten by a snake.I was going to administer the antivenin, but he’s allergic to one of the chemicals.Could you–?”

“Yes, I’ll take care of it.Go rest in the lounge and I’ll finish your rounds; you’ve been here too long.”

“Eh?Oh…thank you…”

“It’s fine.”Anything to keep from going back to that apartment.

Anything to keep from going back to the place where she lived, with the silence and the weakness that caused her depend on alcohol, surrounded by ghosting memories…or in that bright, warm place that…that space _he_ created, with soft lights and the sounds and smells of domestic life.

The kunoichi pressed a palm to her brow; wanted to suppress the picture of him that floated up in her head, but it wasn’t happening.The long, dark hair.The soulful black eyes.The memory of seeing him soaked in the milk he’d offered her made her feel guilty.At the same time, her anger was real…along with guilt, mistrust, the haunting pain that still passed through when she thought of Sasuke.

Damn him for being such a turbulent existence.Every time he entered her life, under whatever circumstance, it turned everything into an anarchic mess.

The rookie that’d gotten a snakebite was fine once she extracted the poison and gave him an altered antidote.The nurse she’d taken over for was in the middle of pulling a third shift; energies flagging, Sakura finished the last few hours and all the paperwork that went with it.An expectant mother came in with unexpected contractions at the last minute, and despite herself, the medic was pulled back into the hospital’s whirlpool of never-ending work.Everything from splinters and stitches to a major surgery kept her at the facility until late, and she was undeniably thankful despite the full-body ache that came with standing on hard floors all day.On the way home, she bought a bottle of high-grade sake, and popped the cork while she walked; by the time she reached her building there wasn’t a drop left, and it went straight in the dumpster outside the complex.

She needed to eat.Then again, eating meant having to fix something, and that would be a bother.

Just as she decided to give up the idea of food, she walked through the kitchen door and found a small meal — a bowl of steaming soup, some crackers, and cheese — already set out on the table, a glass of water and some sort of tea or cider to the side.She whipped around and, quietly drying a plate in front of her sink, she saw him.

She turned tail and ran.Like a child running from her nightmares, she barreled down the hallway, slamming her door behind her and tossing herself into the bed, too tired, too stressed, too upset and yet too empty to cry any more tears than she already had.

What the hell _was_ this really?What god had she pissed off recently to make _this_ come into her life?

Her throat constricted with the need to scream.To just wail and lament and let her pain rain down on the ears of everyone within the vicinity. _No,_ she was not okay.She was very _far_ from okay; Haruno Sakura was on the verge of a very well-deserved mental, physical and spiritual breakdown, and yet she didn’t want to take it.She wanted her life back.She wanted the _love of her life_ back.She wanted, more than anything in the world, to go back to the days when Team 7 caused enough havoc to be famous, when she scolded her teacher for reading XXX-rated material in front of minors, and chased Sasuke around with complaints about his lack of teamwork.She was a bare thread away from screaming to the world that it sucked, should go to hell and just put her out of her misery already, but she didn’t.

Why didn’t she?Didn’t she deserve to feel like this, knowing that _Uchiha Itachi,_ who was neither of the men she’d ever fallen for, was standing in her kitchen right now like he lived here and had every right to do so?

A dry, hiccuping sob somehow escaped through her gritted teeth, muffled by her pillow.

_Damn it all to hell_ , she thought. _Just damn it all to hell._

* * *

Sakura didn’t see any signs of him in her room when she woke up.She showered and dressed as always, and only when she had to unlock her bedroom door did she have physical proof that she hadn’t been dreaming.

At the intersection between hall, living room and kitchen, and what had once been a near-disastrous mess was now neat and tidy.The bottles were gone, the papers apparently filed, the books and movies on their respective shelves, and a CD played softly to break up the silence.The coffee table was polished.The floor and furniture were neatly vacuumed.When she peeped into the kitchen, the counters were spotless, and all the dishes had been taken care of.

_He_ wasn’t anywhere to be seen, but her house was absolutely spotless.

On the dinette, the bowl of fruit had apparently been recently pulled from the refrigerator, a light fog showing up prettily on the green glass.The flowers were fresh and in a different vase.There wasn’t anything waiting for her to eat, but the coffee was piping hot, the proper amount of sugar and creamer left on the counter aside a large, deep red mug.The monumental pile of dishes that’d been in the sink the previous morning was nowhere to be found, and the leak in her faucet was no more.

Uchiha Itachi had done all this, presumably, for her.

She poured her coffee and mixed it to her liking in silence.It felt oddly familiar, the way the house was dark and grey in the early morning light.It’d only been one morning, but waking up to a warm house, a lit kitchen and a fresh, huge breakfast made the cold feeling in her bones seem deeper and somehow misplaced compared to before.It was _right_ though; she was alone in an apartment that should’ve been shared with her husband, who was now dead.Of course, it seemed dull and gray and depressing.This was how it should have been even yesterday, in that ridiculous one-day nightmare.Finishing her coffee, she placed the cup in the sink and went to the kitchen door to briskly slip on her shoes.

When she looked up, a simple note in unfamiliar handwriting was taped on the door.

Something just that simple, and “Earthquake Haruno” Sakura broke down and cried.


	5. I Know You Won't

All it said was “Be careful on your way.”

It wasn’t signed.It didn’t need to be.

Sakura called in sick.She couldn’t go to work with her face all puffy and red from crying like a newborn babe.Between the rib-cracking sobs and the shortness of breath and the overwhelming stress, the kunoichi had cried her way to a ridiculously high fever and full-body cramps.No way in hell would she tarnish the name of ‘Earthquake Haruno’ because of something like this.Despite the pain, she again took up vigil on the window seat and stared out at the park across the way, ignoring the need for bed rest. 

The leaves were bright with a hundred different shades of orange and red, and many had already turned loose of the trees.Kids playing on the swings were bundled up in hats and gloves and jackets to ward against the biting winds in the oddly early cold snap.

There were already half a dozen empty sake bottles on the floor, another half gone, dangling from her listless fingers.The same CD was still playing over and over in the background, and the only reason she wasn’t freezing was because _he_ had apparently turned up the thermostat before disappearing to only God cared where.

Kakashi was the one who was supposed to be here.

Kakashi was the one who was supposed to be so sweet.

Kakashi was the one who was supposed to take care of her.Love her.Cherish her.Listen to her needs, her complaints, and comfort her when she needed it. _Kakashi_ was the one who was supposed to vow his eternal love to her and place a ring on her finger.

So why wasn’t it him?What in hell were the Fates thinking when they killed the man she loved and married her to the man she hated?

Sakura took the last swig left in the bottle and gulped it down, then shattered the container against the opposite living room wall.It wasn’t like she cared what the neighbors thought.The whole town already knew her life was basically in shambles; no use trying to hide it now.This, more than six months later, was the first day of work she’d missed.Only once had she gotten so drunk that she couldn’t take care of herself.

Once was enough to ruin her life for good.

The room was dark.Even if the temperature was fine, the space felt cold and lifeless.A home that was supposed to be warm and full of light had turned into a shrine for memories of the dead.

His shaving cream was still in her medicine cabinet.A few of his clothes were still in her closet.The wedding dress remained on her floor caked in dried clay and brown blades of grass that had long since wasted away.To top it all off, one of his stupid Icha Icha Paradise books was still in the nightstand drawer.

Hatake Kakashi.

_Kakashi…_

His memory was still all around her, hanging in the air like a ghostly miasma, making her sick with despair and grief.Briefly, she considered dying to be the better option.Only briefly, when she screamed hard enough to leave her ears ringing from her cries.

* * *

Sakura was awake.Just suddenly awake, and perfectly aware of herself.Dazzling sunlight was streaming into her spring-green and gold decorated room, making it seem sparkly and bright.The air was warmer than she remembered.Vaguely, the smell of cinnamon drifted to her from outside the door.

He was back again. _Dammit_.

She didn’t have the strength to do anything about it, not even to worry or object.Uchiha Itachi was there, a place where he shouldn’t be.Her personal paradox, though its examination would have to wait until she had all her faculties back in working order.She wasn’t quite aware of when, but between when she opened her eyes and when she finally managed to sit up against the headboard, the source of all her problems appeared aside her, breakfast tray in-hand.She didn’t have time to get in a word before he settled it on her lap — a bowl of cinnamon apple oatmeal, a dish of orange slices, and a small plate with tiny sausages.Simple things.He settled a glass of orange juice and a mug of cinnamon-scented tea on her bedside table.

“Eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”His gaze had seemed tranquil at first, but it steeled to obstinacy.

“You haven’t eaten for three days.”She still turned away, too tired and drained to even show disgust.Itachi sighed, moving down to the end of the bed and carefully taking a seat.“I’m not a monster, Sakura-san.You know my story.”

“I know the part about Sasuke.What I _don’t_ know is the part about _us_.”Sakura’s eyes trailed to the food in her lap, and she unconsciously glared at it.It was in this way that she missed the slightly ironic smile contorting his face.“I was drunk.Was there some reason for this?”

“I’m not sure either.I was drunk also.”

…

“Care to repeat that?”When she looked up at him, her face was straight.  His wasn’t, though.She missed the ironic smile, but his ‘impassive’ mask was slipping.

He was most definitely blushing.Just a light dusting cross his cheekbones, but quite obviously there.

“I was drunk.I suppose it was simply acting on suppressed desires.”

“How do suppressed desires enter this conversation exactly?”His head turned away, and he didn’t answer.His ears were turning so red that she almost, almost (I mean, hello, last time an Uchiha blushed?), wanted to forgive him without even hearing the reply.“Itachi.Answer me.”

“Because…I’m in love with you.”

…

“You can’t be serious.”

Well, he’d answered.He _had_ answered.That couldn’t be denied, but it certainly wasn’t what she wanted to hear.Wasn’t what she’d _expected_ to hear, either.The only thing that told her he might, on the off-chance that Hell was currently having a snowstorm, be telling the truth…was how his ears were nearly purple they were so red.

Uchiha Itachi was in love with her.

“I was always watching over Sasuke…and you were always close to him.It was only passing notice, honestly.A girl with oddly colored hair pressing close to him, eyes shining with admiration, and sometimes fierce towards the occasional interlopers.”Nervously, and with much hesitation, Itachi turned to face her.He ended up sitting cross-legged on the foot of her bed, a hand buried compulsively in his ponytail.

If she stretched her foot a little, it would’ve touched him.

“You ended up as teammates, and as his teammate, I also had to protect you.To that extent, you were special to him; maybe even more than that.”He was looking everywhere but her face; yet as he came to his next thought, jealousy made its way into his expression, painful in its obviousness.“You were…probably more than just a teammate.

“Still, he left.In the years Akatsuki was quiet and Orochimaru had his claws in my brother, Naruto was guarded by Jiraiya.I was allowed to wander freely without my partner for a time, and I often came to Konoha.You were the closest person to my brother to whom I had safe access.”Sakura watched him.She hadn’t known he was there.Not once.How close did he get, she wondered, without being noticed by anyone, not even the Hokage herself?“I watched you grow in strength, knowledge, and maturity…and before I was even slightly aware, a certain… _affection_ for you had developed.

“You liked to dance in the rain.Enjoy cold things over warm things, preferred fruits to artificial sweets.Really, you preferred tomboyish clothing to the more feminine things that other girls were wearing, but wore them anyone sometimes to fit in.Mixing up poisons and threatening people with them was fun for you.Before I even noticed what I was doing, I hadn’t analyzed your behavior, I’d simply memorized it all.Just simply…”

He trailed off.His eyes landed on the bowl of oatmeal, which had gone cold; then he memorized his way across the wrinkles and creases in her nightshirt.He wanted to look at her face, but at this point, he didn’t have enough courage to accomplish something that should’ve been so incredibly simple.

“Just simply…?”

At her prompting, which was in a voice full of so many emotions he couldn’t tell one from the next, his eyes met hers of their own will.Those beautiful, beautiful green eyes, that looked cruel like a predator and sweet like the prey.

“Just simply… because I wanted to.Because I… had already… probably long since… fallen in love with you.”

* * *

For the first time in two days, Sakura was out of bed and testing her strength.

The curtains were pulled away from the window, but even so, the sky outside was blue-gray, and the clouds didn’t amount to much more than nondescript fog.Her room, in turn, was shadowed and gray instead of bright.

Still, instead of feeling depressed, she felt refreshed.Strangely so.

The heater was cranked up to the point that it felt like she was already wrapped in a coat.The steam was floating gently from the bathroom, where he’d already made her a hot bath with fragrant salts to help relax.The room somehow smelled of clean, if clean was to have a smell, instead of something stale and stagnant.

She soaked in the luxurious water until the heat was mostly gone, and by the time she came back out a warm pair of slacks and a soft, fuzzy sweater were laid on the bed.Sakura slipped on a pair of socks with them, and wandered out into the hall; the mild smell of bread, mixed with the sweet smell of blueberries, met her nose.He was cooking again.

She had learned he wasn’t particularly fond of that chore.It was one of the few things that he, the infamous S-class shinobi, prodigy of the Uchiha clan, could not handle perfectly.

According to _him_ , it was the most embarrassing thing, right after his low alcohol tolerance.

Itachi already knew lots about her.He’d been watching her for nigh on seven years already.So for the last two days, however awkwardly, he told her about himself.He liked sweets.All kinds of sweets.He enjoyed historical drama, both in book and movie format.His interest in the medical field hadn’t been totally faked; though he didn’t have any special aptitude for it, he did enjoy a vast range of knowledge on plants and roots used for medicinal purposes.

Unlike Sasuke, he was very, very sweet.

There were things he didn’t have to tell her.She just noticed.Itachi was a little shy, and generally quiet.He was observant by nature, and was also very keen on her moods.He felt frustrated simply because he wasn’t a great cook, and embarrassed that his weakness to alcohol had put them in this situation that he (almost openly) appreciated.He was a compulsive cleaner; when he was embarrassed, frustrated or irritated in any manner, he would clean, clean, clean his cares away.Even though he wasn’t muttering to himself all the while, she was sure there was a lot of ranting going on in his head.She could see it in his eyes, and it amused her to no end.

Just like she had started to think.He… wasn’t quite so misplaced anymore.

She crept up behind him and stood on tiptoe to peer over his shoulder at the stove.Itachi didn’t turn to look at her, but she could see a smile quirk the corners of his lips.He was making blueberry pancakes.Very _carefully_ making blueberry pancakes…but when she glanced at the plate beside the stove, it looked like he hadn’t really harmed anything… 

Actually, they looked great.

They smelled even better than great.

“Don’t even think about snitching, Sakura-san.It’s not good for you.”

“Miser.”

His smile got a little wider, and his eyes gentled.The small, barely perceptible puff that came from his nose was as much of a laugh as she had ever gotten.The kunoichi supposed he didn’t laugh that much.So…she could forgive him.It took a bit of study, but she knew that these were the signs that he was really quite amused by her.She trotted over to the small breakfast table and sat down.The flowers and vase were different again.Daffodils, in a cute, green vase with the top edge frosted white.

Daffodils… “The Sun in Bright when I am with You.”

“Yes.It also implies respect, regard, or unrequited love, depending on how it is arranged.”

She pouted.That hadn’t been meant to be said aloud.When the woman turned back to look at him, he was still carefully tending the batter in the pan, that gentle smile on his face.It was a moment where he wouldn’t really look at her, so she decided to observe him while she had the chance.His dark sleeping pants drooped over tanned, bare feet, and a muscle shirt clung to his frame just enough to show off his physique.Of course, most every shinobi male had abs to drool over, so that wasn’t anything special.She was used to it, being a medic; but he was definitely different.

Like a proud, majestic predator.An unmanageable mountain cat.

That ‘cat’ was currently making her breakfast again, shades of a pleasant smile coloring his face.He slid the last pancake onto a plate, and slipped a pat of butter on top.Settling the two plates on opposite sides of the table, Itachi returned to the other side of the kitchen, making a few more trips.More fruit, more syrups, more toppings, more drinks.

Well, whatever he did, you couldn’t say he didn’t do it to his utmost.

“Itachi, I believe you can sit down now.The pancakes’ll get cold.”He paused as he was pulling the cream from the cabinet next to the fridge, and then after a second, he was in his chair before she even realized he moved.The bangs were hiding his face.

If he moved, she was sure she’d see him blushing.

“ _Itadakimasu_.”

He mumbled the phrase himself as she was taking the first bite, but she didn’t really pay attention.For being a guy who ‘wasn’t good at cooking,’ he had certainly done a fine job on the hotcakes.Even without syrup, and only a little bit of butter, they were delicious — light and fluffy, and slightly sweet, with the faintly sour tang of berries seeping through the insides delectably.

“You’re either improving, or you could cook from the start.They’re delicious.”His fork paused, just as he was about to slip a sliced strawberry into his mouth.

“…Thank you…”

She observed him.He was in one of those unusually quiet stages again.Maybe it meant that her comment earlier had bothered or embarrassed him more than she thought.

“I’ve noticed… but you have a pretty meek personality.”She felt a ridiculous amount of relief when he looked up at her.

“I’ve always been this way.Father used to say that… I bent too easily to the wills of others.”

“I can hardly imagine that.”A smile quirked the corner of his lips, but he didn’t answer.The breakfast silence was more comfortable now.That, at least, was an improvement over the awkwardness he’d brought to the table.

“Thanks for the food!”Sakura stretched, and then stood from her seat, striding towards the back door and pulling her coat off the counter.She was well aware of Itachi’s eyes following her, even before he spoke.

“…You’re working today?”

“I’ve already taken more days off this week than I have in four years of medical service for anything other than severe injury.I think it’s time to get back to the grind.”She slipped on her boots and wrapped the coat around her shoulders lightly.“I’ve got an extra uniform at the hospital, so I’ll just go like this.It’s warmer anyway.I don’t know what you’ll be up to today, but be careful to stay out of sight.I’m off!”

“ _Itterashai_.”

The word drifted to her quietly as the door closed, and though it felt odd…she couldn’t say it was unwelcome.She’d always left with a spring in her step when Kakashi had said that.Now…now it was Itachi saying it; and even though there wasn’t a spring in her step, it felt like a wind was at her back.It pushed her along strongly.It wasn’t a bad feeling at all.

Then she would think about it, though; all the residual resentment there’d been was somehow just _gone_.Sasuke was dead because Naruto had to kill him.Naruto almost died because Itachi was _supposed_ to kill him.Almost all the pain and anguish in her life could, by some means, be linked back to Itachi and Uchiha Madara.

Still, where once the mention of Itachi’s name had brought a strong sense of bitterness out of her, now…it didn’t really.He had turned her perception of him on its head, and the result was she couldn’t really identify him as the monster she’d always thought he was.He murdered his entire family on orders from the Sandaime.He left his brother alive out of love and guilt; but baited him into dedicating his life to revenge, which was supposed to make him Konoha’s ironclad ally.When he supposedly died — and how he was alive she still didn’t know — Sasuke heard his brother’s tragic history from Madara and turned his vengeance-seeking soul towards Konoha in complete disregard of his brother’s desires.As much as Itachi had been an instigator of tragedy, he’d also…been a victim.

By seeing him the way she did every day, it was so, so much easier to understand that.

The hospital’s glass door swung open silently, but the nurse on shift looked up and gave a pleasantly surprised smile.

“Welcome back, Sakura-san!Tsunade-sama said you were ill; is it alright to come back so soon?”The young woman returned the smile and took the sign-in sheet from behind the desk.

“I’m much better now.It was just built-up stress and a bit of fever.”The dubious look across the nurse’s face was not missed.She sighed a little.“Alright, so it was high enough that I was hardly conscious half the time, but I’m fine now.I feel like I’ll forget how to treat people if I stay away any longer, so let me work for heaven’s sake.”

Therefore, work she did.Like a madwoman.

Two shifts, four major surgeries and a dozen broken limbs later, Sakura was bone tired and felt like nirvana wasn’t very far off.Her feet and legs were wobbly and it felt like she was floating; she was light-headed and giddy like a teenager high on a crush.

She was ridiculously pleased with herself for no apparent reason other than a good, hard day at work that had exhausted her beyond sanity.

So weaving down the road like a drunken mess when she was perfectly sober was the last thing on her mind.She knew where she was going since she hadn’t lost all her wits, but without warning, a pair of strong arms whisked her up in the classic princess-hold that most girls only fantasized about.It didn’t register for several seconds, but the person carrying her was going at breakneck speed atop the roofs of Konoha’s residential district by blocks, instead of only buildings.

“I can take care of myself, Sai.If you don’t put me down, I’m gonna hurt you.”It came out slightly slurred, but she didn’t bother to let go of his neck as he continued his run.Above the sound of wind whipping past them, Sakura heard a very familiar puff, followed by a surprising whisper.

“I won’t release you, Sakura-san.This is much faster.It’s too dangerous for you to be so defenseless when out at this time of night.”

The voice made her sober a bit; though when she did, the exhaustion seemed to affect her more.

“Itachi?”

“I was attending to some business.I expected to you be home already, and likely asleep.”

“I worked an extra shift at the hospital to catch up a little…”

“Your fever was still unbearable yesterday.You shouldn’t overwork yourself.”His reproving words were gentle, and even as the adrenaline wore off and she started to get sleepy, she could hear that he was very concerned.As concerned as he ever let on with anyone, which was still only slight.

To her, he might as well have been pleading; she was familiar with him by now and could hear it exactly as he meant it.Once given the opportunity, he was amazingly easy to understand.

“You smell funny.”

“I apologize.I will bathe when we return.”She was staring at the nape of his neck, where his ponytail was tied.He really did have a lot of odd scents on him.

“Tobacco… opium… cologne… incense… sandalwood… makeup… perfume…”

A combination that she liked by no means.He smelled like an expensive geisha house.His neck, what she could see of it through darkness and blurry vision, was turning a dull red; but soon they had arrived at her apartment and he was inside before the porch light even flickered on at his movement.Itachi slipped out of his boots with Sakura still in his arms, and walked noiselessly through the house; over the kitchen’s linoleum and the hallway’s carpet, and the combined wood flooring and soft, plush rugs of her room.It wasn’t all coherent in her fuzzy mind, but he was slipping her boots off, and then her apron and equipment holster.Her shirt was next, and she noted groggily how he gently slipped a silky nightgown over her head before working her out of her undershirt, bra, and shorts.Cotton sheets felt cool against her skin, and the suede comforter was soft and downy.

It made her remember that dream that Itachi had probably shown her.The dream of their wedding night, where the sheets had been satin and the suede comforter had stroked her skin with a chill of cold whenever it touched her in the midst of their passion.Her toes, her feet, the backs of her legs; and when they finished, he had wrapped her gently in that comforter.Like the man she’d made love to, it quickly turned from a chill cold to a warm embrace.

Sakura wasn’t bothering to chase off those thoughts right now.She had to seriously think about her situation; though _now_ certainly wasn’t the time to do it, when she was almost completely asleep.Vaguely, she could hear the sound of running water from her shower, and she recalled Itachi’s promise to bathe when he got back.

He was her _husband_.He was _legally_ her husband.They were a _married couple_.When she thought about it, they’d been acting an awful lot like that very thing the last few days.

She was sleepy, though.She wanted to just fall into oblivion until further notice, but she just couldn’t let go of consciousness yet.The bathroom door opened, and humidity flooded the room with sultry heat.Itachi came closer and crept up on the edge of the bed cautiously, leaning down close and whispering in her ear.“Better?”

His scent pressed down around her.Insanely all around her.It was masculine and warm — the ingrained scent of metal and forest was barely there under the scent of water, soap and _him_.It was so simply mild and intoxicating that she didn’t even try to stop herself from curling her arms around his neck, drawing him closer.Sakura nuzzled his neck sleepily, settling back beneath the covers, taking his upper body with her as she burrowed back into the pillows.

He was hers.He was simply _hers_ at the moment, though she was certain both of them knew that she wasn’t exactly _his_.With that thought, all notion of need to stay conscious simply vanished, and she fell into the void of sleep.

The next morning she woke at the reasonable time of five thirty-two, and though the events of the previous night were fuzzy, they were still there in her head.

It was the only reason she didn’t come totally unglued upon noticing Uchiha Itachi snuggled up next to her.

She was under the covers and he was over them, so they weren’t exactly _right_ next to each other, but he was shirtless, and his hair was unbound and flipped wildly this way and that, and was mildly tangled and curly since it hadn’t been brushed.He was apparently still asleep if his breathing was any indication, and Sakura didn’t have the slightest inclination to wake him.Her arms were still wrapped loosely around his shoulders, as his were wrapped around her waist, head nestled securely against her collarbone.Asleep like this, he really looked his age.

He was only 24.She was 19.For a man so renowned, he was unbelievably young.

Itachi stirred lightly.Long, black-brown eyelashes fluttered a bit and opened.His steady breathing didn’t really change, and his ebony eyes were still cloudy and unfocused with sleep.He was downright _groggy_.

Oh, it was cute.

His nose brushed her chin as he moved carefully to sit up, but when he realized she was awake, he quickly turned his head away in surprise.His cheeks were already turning red again.

“Excuse me.You wouldn’t let go last night, and I couldn’t bring myself to wake you…”

Sakura allowed her arms to slide off his shoulders, hands trailing delicately down his biceps before falling away.It had been entirely on purpose.She was judging him.

He pulled away quickly though, and walked out the door without looking at her.

Exactly like every morning before, he made her breakfast.He really _was_ getting better at cooking, though he still burnt things sometimes, and had to resort to simple things with fruit or toast that didn’t involve much effort.Itachi only cooked for her this morning,while he busily scrubbing the dishes in the sink; she was absolutely sure he was taking out his embarrassment on the poor object.

“Sakura-san… do you know what time you’ll be returning tonight?”

“Not a clue.Why?”He struggled a minute.

“My business… could not be concluded in one night, and I will be out again this evening.”She murmured a questioning noise through a mouthful of sausage.“Please do not return so late again; you are not yet well.”

“I’m fine.I slept like a rock last night and I could demolish a mountain if I wanted to.”She smiled as she finished eating, and then went to the door to slip on her coat and boots.“Just do what you need to do, Itachi.I’m not holding you back.As long as you’re not hurting anyone from Konoha, it’s fine.”

That night when he returned, she had waited for him.Itachi tried to hide it, but he couldn’t; there was lipstick on the edge of his shirt.The next night, he returned with his hair-tie missing.The next he stumbled in completely drunk, and she found more kiss marks and remnants of lipstick on his neck and chest.

Sakura wasn’t saying anything.It was his business what he did in his spare time.

So she told herself.

Tonight he was drunk again, and the smell of cologne and tobacco was overwhelming.He stumbled down the hall with her as a support until they reached the guest room where he’d been staying.

“Itachi, you realize you can’t handle alcohol, right?”Sakura grunted impatiently as she attempted to open the door.In her frustration, she broke the knob.He was going to pay for that later.“You big idiot.You’re not supposed to go out and get blind drunk when you’ve got such a pathetically low tolerance!”

His incoherent mumble conveyed only that he was submissively apologizing as well as he possibly could in his inebriated state.She dumped him on the bed and proceeded to pull him out of his coat and the shirt beneath.Her eyes darkened and narrowed as she examined him.There were scratches on his body that were obviously fresh, and there were more deep red traces of lipstick.Cologne, perfume, opium, tobacco.She was sick of that smell.

“Bastard.”

His eyes flew open, practically sober at that one word, but she was already slamming the door behind her.The cracking of the doorframe made his heart break.

She just didn’t realize.

The next morning, she didn’t even see him.The next morning, either; but the third morning, when she was returning at 3 AM after a late shift, she finally did lay eyes on him.Her hackles were already raising.

They were _married_ , weren’t they? _He_ was the one who instigated all this trouble. _Itachi_ was the one who insisted on staying.He was trying to open her up, right?If he was gonna be so damn persistent about it, he could’ve at least _tried_ to wait until she’d fallen in love with him like a fool before running off and playing around like the badass criminal he was trying to convince her he wasn’t.Who was to say whether he really cared or not?

“Back to your backup plan?Did your girlfriend dump you?”She spat the words with no uncertain amount of malice.His shoulders stiffened, but he remained standing in the middle of the kitchen, back to her.She didn’t like his impassive façade.If he wanted to convince her that he was in love with her, he could at least beg her to let him explain.“Can’t you just leave me the hell alone?You’ve played out your welcome, Itachi.”

“You don’t understand.”

“No, I sure as hell don’t.Was there some point in trying to convince me you were in love with me?Because you damn well threw it away without accomplishing it.”

He wasn’t looking at her.He was just standing there, probably refusing to look at her, and she hated it.Borderline hated _him_ , but it hadn’t quite escalated to that yet.She observed his back critically, hoping that the thought of her spiteful eyes drilling into him was making him uncomfortable as hell.

Then she noticed it.The tiny trickle of blood running down his fingers to drip on the floor.

Sakura shot around the front of him, and finally saw what he’d been hiding.Bruised, bloody; his face was a picture of chaos.His clothes looked untouched, but she could tell that his face wasn’t the only thing damaged.A bit of blood seeped through and turned dark on the black clothing.

“I never once betrayed you, Sakura-san.If ever, you must believe me this time.”

He looked like he was about to pass out.He looked like he was about to simply collapse there on the floor, and he was still on that.Without regard to his wishes, she flooded her arms with chakra and hoisted him over her shoulder, rearranging him carefully when she realized that there was a broken rib to be cautious of.Two or three of them, every place she needed them not to be.He seemed to find the situation uncomfortable, which she really couldn’t blame him, and his lucidity no longer seemed to be escaping.Itachi lightly protested, but he was laying on his bed soon enough.Sakura had his shirt sliced neatly in two with a deft flick of her fingers, and was left looking mayhem in the eye.

If he weren’t known as a criminal, she would’ve long since hauled him to the hospital.

Hands flared green-white, and the powerful, precise chakra shot beneath his skin urgently.He didn’t flinch.His black, black eyes only watched her mournfully, and his hands trembled.From agony of heart or body… she didn’t know.

“I touched no other woman, Sakura-san.No one could tear me away from you.”

“Shut up and relax already!You’ve been turned into chili con carne on the inside, and talking isn’t helping me put you back together!”

Eyes wide, hands moving; she couldn’t believe the damage he’d taken.This was the Uchiha Itachi, right?She grimaced as she reached her chakra into his lungs, repairing a place where one had been punctured raggedly.His ribs were seeming together slowly, the blood she suctioned out simply splattered on the floor because there wasn’t time to get something to dump it in.Yet just as she started to get frustrated again, he did something she hadn’t expected at all.

He ran his fingers sweetly through her hair.Just touching her hair, her cheek.Petting, almost.Whether it was to comfort himself or her, or to convince her that he was really telling the truth… she didn’t know.Honestly, she didn’t.Still, after the split second of shock and the momentary calm he’d given her, she pushed on, rearranging his insides to a semblance of real anatomy.

When she was done, she was near tears.Again.Damn it, what _was_ it about this man that brought her to her knees?

“If you ever get yourself into a mess like this again, I swear I’ll beat the tar out of you and throw your ass in the nearest ocean.”

“My apologies, Sakura-san.”

His quiet voice soothed her.She hated it.She was supposed to hate _him_ right now, for always coming back to her even if there was someone else.Something didn’t add up about his condition from the previous days and tonight, so she let it go.She wanted to cling to those words that he’d said…

_“I never once betrayed you, Sakura-san…”_

She wanted to believe that he hadn’t gone to another so much that it should have, by all rights, surprised her; if she weren’t so wrung-out and scared, it might have shaken her more.

Kakashi was gone.He was already gone.

This man though, this man she had once _hated_ , was now her singular thread.The last straw she had to cling to.This _bastard_ had turned her into a dependent _child_ , and she despised it, but it was still the truth.Her head flopped down on the covers next to his hip, and she stared at him dolefully, anger long since fizzled out.

“If you ever worry me like this again, I’ll fucking kill you.”

“I won’t.”He smiled softly, voice gently serious.She wanted to stop crying, but the tears were already slipping out again.She simply slipped into sleep, his hand still stroking her hair.


	6. So Small

He’d been posing as a _hangyoku_ at a famous geisha house in a town several miles from Konoha to investigate a prominent foreign dignitary.He said it was on Tsunade’s orders.

She had a feeling that Tsunade had nothing to do with it, but she didn’t say anything.This was the first time he’d kept a secret from her since coming here, and she would let him keep it until he was ready, however much she didn’t want to.

It was her turn to serve _him_ , though.

He really had almost been turned into chili con carne.The first day or so he couldn’t even keep down water, much less solid foods.Sakura stirred the soup she was making slowly.It was a clear broth, with just a few vegetables here and there.She considered it a perfect meal for the convalescing.When she took it to him, he looked to be asleep; but his eyes flickered open, and looked over at her as she paused at his bedside.Glazed with pain, or sleep, or whatever else could possibly make him look like that — she refused to suggest love or affection, and that was that—, Itachi’s eyes followed her as she helped him sit up.Her steady hands fed him gently, and he silently, gratefully accepted.

Haggard features heavy with exhaustion weren’t new to her, but this was the first time she had seen him so defenseless.There was a stinging of guilt at the back of her heart, but she didn’t know why.With every failed attempt to lift his hands, there was a hot streak of lightning that seemed to tie itself around her heart like barbed wire.It hurt.He was in such _pain_.

Itachi would be fine, yes…but she could almost sense his torment.Sakura couldn’t decide if it made her sad, or just pissed her off; the more she couldn’t decide, the more it distressed her.He couldn’t even finish the small bowl of soup she’d made; he sighed slightly, and slipped back into sleep.She set the bowl aside and checked his condition; things were repairing themselves well, but she helped them along anyway.His ribs had gone from broken to cracked, and she finished healing them.His stomach had been punctured, and even though she’d closed it up, she returned it to full function.She checked for the who-knew-what-number-times to see if there were any bone fragments she’d missed, if there were any little punctures or rips, or anything at all that she hadn’t found... but there wasn’t anything.It was just painful.

Sakura numbed his pain best she could, and then left him to sleep.She’d completely repaired his lung when he first came in, and the stain of splattered blood on the hardwood floor was still there as proof.

With less than a clear conscience, she slipped on her boots and coat, stepping out into the steadily colder winter air.Her hospital shift started soon, but her mind was far from thoughts of it.Itachi was sleeping fitfully in that stark guest bedroom, and she wanted nothing more than to stay there and make sure he didn’t wake up and try to do something stupid.She power-walked to the hospital and signed in irritably, much to the surprise of the nurse on duty.

On her rounds, there proved to be something _else_ unpleasant; Ino was her first patient of the day.

“Hi, forehead.You’ve been busy; miss me?”The quirked eyebrow told Sakura all she needed to expect from the encounter.

“If you’re not injured or sick, Pig, I expect you to _bolt_ for the door.Otherwise, I’ll _really_ give you a reason to be here.”The blonde clucked her tongue and turned around, wincing as she pulled her shirt over her head.Her back was covered shoulder to ass in scratches.

“I’m quite injured, thank you.I was sparring with Shika and lost my balance.The pine tree that caught me was quite unfriendly, I’ll have you know.”Turned around as she was, she couldn’t see the half-pout plastered on Sakura’s face.“What’s got you so pissed, hmm?Can’t be a guy.”

The alcohol-soaked cotton swab that she’d been dabbing a scratch with suddenly dug into her, causing the mind-walker to yelp.

“Holy shit, Forehead!Be careful, would you?!”She paused.“Wait a sec… it _is_ a guy?!”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.You stabbing me in the back was answer aplenty.”Ino turned around, baby blue eyes examining her best friend keenly.“Who is he.”

It wasn’t a question at all.It was a command.Sakura still ignored her and continued to rub at the messy scratches all over her back.Ino wasn’t having it.

“Is he good to you?”She paused.Green eyes, a little angry and little bitter, narrowed.

“Very.”

“He doesn’t act like a narcissist or an asshole?”Sakura shook her head.

“He’s really sweet.”

“How well do you know him?”The medic hesitated to answer again, and the blonde’s eyes narrowed critically.“Sakura?”

“I know him… well; and at the same time, I wonder.It’s complicated.”

“What are his bad traits?”She laughed a little, dryly.

“He internalizes everything, worries too much, cleans like a maniac and can’t handle liquor to save his life.”The way the other girl cocked her eyebrows indicated that she didn’t really think of those as bad points.“He says he isn’t the greatest cook — and yeah, he still burns things — but he really goes out of his way to please me.My house is so clean it doesn’t even look like the same place.I can fluster him easily, but I also know he has an incredible poker face when he wants.But… he’s docile… and really gentle.When I was sick last week, he took care of me.”

Ino was still giving her an examining look.

“Sounds like a sweetheart.Are you sure he’s not faking it?”The bitter smile on her face didn’t change, but her expression turned into a fond sort of complicated.Yeah, she was sure.Ino heaved a sigh and slipped her shirt back on since the medic was finished.“Then you’d better put a collar on him, because it looks like he does you good.”

“ _He’s_ the one who said he was in love with _me_ , Pig.”

“Good.Then let him put a collar on _you_.Or maybe a muzzle.I may have to warn him.”The pink-haired kunoichi gave a sour face, and her friend cackled mysteriously.“Don’t worry.It’s not like you told me who he is, and I wouldn’t really tell him that anyway.”

“Gee, thanks.I don’t even really want to think about the two of you meeting.”Sakura was glad that she didn’t ask why.Ino rearranged herself and slid from the exam table.

“At any rate, it’s time for you to move on.Shinobi don’t have the luxury of dwelling on things, y’know?”The two shared their half-hearted smiles.“Move on.Fall in love.Get a life, before it passes you by.”

The atmosphere was getting too heavy; this wasn’t something she was ready to discuss.Just because Itachi...  _Itachi_ , mind you... was honestly a good catch, it didn’t mean she could move on that easily.With a forced smile, a quirked brow, and a quick raspberry, she said, “I don’t want to hear that from you.Have you even told Shikamaru the extent of your feelings yet?” 

The girl turned red.“Let’s leave me out of this.”

“Don’t wanna.If you get to rail on me about my love life, I should get to rail on you about yours.”Sakura grinned and penned a few things on her chart.“Get out of here, Pig.Go train or teach or heal, or gather up your courage to go turn that lazy-ass genius you’ve been in love with into a puddle of goo.”

The dull red on her cheeks brightened a little.

“Back at you.Start fighting for your own happiness, and maybe I’ll start working on mine.”

* * *

Sakura only worked one shift.Just one.Her power-walk from the morning going to the hospital had turned into a flat-out run heading home.She opened the door to her apartment and flung herself into the warmth, shedding her coat and boots in record time.The door to the guest room was wide open, and at first, she was worried; but when she entered he was lounging properly on the bed, and the soup that had been left on the bedside table was gone.His eyes opened and landed on her when she stepped inside, a soft smile lighting his tired features.

“Welcome home, Sakura-san.”She gave him a complicated half-smile.

“Thanks.How are you feeling?”He nodded.

“Much better.I was able to get up earlier.”Sakura’s eyes narrowed dangerously.He was _not_ supposed to be moving yet.Realizing how very little she liked the idea, he explained himself.“Only to heat the soup and relieve myself.I didn’t strain.”

She was still pouting.That half-glare, half-pout that said she was _very_ displeased and that this would be his _only_ warning to not do it again.Sakura moved to his side, chakra flourishing across her hand and slipping beneath his skin. He really _was_ a lot better, but she wouldn’t be satisfied until he was back to one hundred percent.She shored up his immune system, triple checked his bones, and gave another thorough once-over to everything between his lungs and his intestines; it didn’t matter if she’d used nearly half her chakra at the hospital.This was too important to her to put it off, even for common sense’s sake.

“Thank you, Sakura-san.”She blinked.

“What for?”He was giving that modest smile again, his black-brown eyes gentling.

“For forgiving me.” 

“You don’t know that I’ve forgiven you.I haven’t heard why you were investigating that dignitary, or how you managed to get beaten to a bloody pulp.”She could feel her face pulling into a pout even as she spoke, though she could do little to stop it. At least he was back in one piece now.Her mind was more at ease for that.

“… I love you.”

Chakra output ceased as she flinched, not shocked by the statement, but its suddenness.His face was still gentle, but it was more determined, more earnest than it was before.He was serious.

“Itachi, I–”

“You don’t have to answer.”Sakura stopped, watching as his eyes were hidden behind long, dark lashes.“You don’t have to answer at all.I know.I’m the only one in love.I apologize for the position I’ve put you in.”

He was always apologizing.It was scratching at the back of her heart uncomfortably again.Not the lightning that had squeezed her heart harshly, just a scratching; an insistent feeling that she shouldn’t be making him say these things.

Even if it was only to make him lose that look of trusting himself to a deadly fall, she wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t be sorry, that it wasn’t just him.She wanted to say it; and if it wouldn’t have given him the wrong impression, she would’ve.She would’ve told him in an instant if it didn’t mean she had to lie to do it.

Itachi didn’t touch her.Not like he had the night before, where he stroked her hair so lovingly.He was simply laying there on the bed, head facing her, eyes closed.She couldn’t move, because it didn’t feel right.Couldn’t say anything, because she didn’t know what should be said; but like he must’ve watched her so often, she just watched him.

Why did things have to be so damn complicated?

She’d fallen in love with her teacher and had a hell of a time trying to convince him that it was okay to fall in love with her, too.After trying to corner that commitment-phobic bastard for two years, he’d finally proposed to her.Then he just _died_ on their wedding day.She’d waited months before finally getting drunk off her ass like she never had before, and when she did, she ended up married to the man that’d pretty much been the root of all hellish evil in her life.Now what?She couldn’t say she hated him anymore.Like she’d told Ino, he really _was_ a sweet guy.Meek and unselfish, somewhat easily embarrassed, and very single-minded and devoted.He had murdered his family to protect those who couldn’t have defended themselves against the onset of war, but protected his brother because he couldn’t let any harm come to that one, dearly adored sibling.He had borne, and even encouraged, the hatred of that little brother for ten long years.Now he was in love, and again, he was devoting everything to that love… but after so long, he didn’t even expect anything in return.He knew exactly what to expect from the beginning.

The more she thought about it, the more solid that hot barbed wire wrapped around her heart seemed to be.She… she couldn’t really say that she didn’t care for him anymore.Really, she was beginning to feel a little more than just pity and sympathy.She felt kinship.She felt… just a bit… the desire to show a bit of affection, and comfort him.

It wasn’t until much later that she realized he was asleep, and that she had been by his side the whole time.

* * *

“Are you in love?”

“You must’ve met someone.”

“You seem worried.Is there a guy you’re thinking about?”

Everyone was commenting.Sakura wanted to scream “AM I SO DAMN OBVIOUS?!” to the whole village, but rather figured it’d be a bad idea.In a fit of annoyance, she snapped her pen, scaring the poor Academy kid that was standing next to his mom.The lady took the hint, and didn’t ask any further about her love life.

A love life that might as well have been the cover story for every gossip rag in Konoha, since it was such a hot topic anyway.

_Yes, I am the kick-ass kunoichi called Earthquake Haruno.Pleased to meet you.Am I allowed to have a sweetheart?I sure hope so, because otherwise, I’ll be having to prove a damn point to everybody that, yeah, I’m a woman and I can sure as hell fall in love._ Not that she was in love, but hey, the gossips were having a field day with an unconfirmed report; what if she actually _did_ fall in love with somebody?

_If I brought him home, Itachi would be… there…_

The more she thought about it on her rounds that day, the more it bugged her.The thought of falling in love with someone seemed impossible as it was, but when she thought about leaving Itachi for that guy that she might fall for, there was a guilty stab at the back of her heart that made her uncomfortable.She couldn’t fall in love with anyone.It would mean leaving him; it would mean crushing him with his own penchant for self-sacrifice again.She dropped the two halves of her snapped pen.That really sounded like she was in love with him.

Sakura denied it so many times in her head that the sentence ‘I’m not’ ran together into a paragraph-long word.

“Sa-ku-ra~!”

“Yes, Miyu-san.”She was going to break something bigger than her pen if that woman asked her about her love life.

“Hey, is the guy that you’re being rumored with that one I introduced you to?I was right, wasn’t I!He’s hot, polite, and the perfect type~!”

Sakura slammed her fist on the counter, and a neat little three-centimeter-wide rift ran through it from shelf to floor.The bubblehead paled.An evil grin was stretching across the medic's face.

“I am not in love, Miyu-san.In fact, the young man you introduced me to has caused more problems than he’s worth.”Her words were dripping with venom.If it were a real substance, it would’ve burned a hole through the hospital tiles and foundation.If the brainless girl had been a little less scared, she might’ve been able to manage a whimper; but all she could do was collapse tremulously into a chair when Sakura finally stalked away.

The kunoichi finished her rounds in a royally foul mood, and when she was done she headed straight for Ichiraku.The tenchou cowered as she menacingly asked where Naruto was, and all he could manage was that he was supposed to be at the Hyuuga estate.Sakura’s bad vibes were sending people into hiding as she stalked down the street, and it wasn’t any better when she arrived at the Hyuuga main house.Neji happened to see her while he was there, and the “Piss off, I hate the world” that was veritably stamped on her forehead was an explicit warning for him to keep his thoughts to himself, no matter the subject.

The man she was seeking was currently in the back yard helping Hanabi with the Tajuu Kage Bunshin.Hinata was observing and learning also, but officially he was there “for Hanabi.”Sakura’s rage calmed the slightest as he clumsily tried to explain the mechanics of his favorite jutsu.

“Naruto.”He flinched violently, before turning to look at her.

“Sakura-chan?When did you get here?I totally didn’t notice you!”

“You were too busy trying to explain something when you’re a lousy teacher.That’s why.”She smirked.Naruto knew she was teasing, but he still pretended to sulk.“What I need right now is a good sparring partner, so why don’t we just let them observe a couple of badasses going at it?”

“Bad day?”

“The worst.”

Before another word was said — actually, before the two innocent bystanders could get out of the way — they were locked against each other, kunai grinding with a metallic screech before they sprung back and circled each other cautiously.Hinata hastily moved her little sister to the porch.In a few short minutes, there were craters in the ground and insane amounts of chakra in the air.Half the estate gathered in only a few minutes, eager to see what was going on.Sakura laughed wildly, launching into a vicious taijutsu combo with chakra-spiked limbs at top speed.

Naruto knew why Sakura looked for him; he was the sturdiest available target that could present a reasonable challenge, just the right combination of frustration and violence to help with stress relief.He jumped out of the way as another chakra-laden kick sped towards his shoulder, but he’d been fooled; it was a kage bunshin, and now the real Sakura was landing a punch square on his jaw.

She was feeling better.Their little practice fight fizzled out after ten minutes or so, both of them panting and sweating, Naruto fairly ragged and Sakura finally smiling after months.It felt good to do this.When Hinata cautiously brought her a water bottle, she accepted it gratefully and downed the whole thing before the heiress could even pass Naruto one.The blonde was infected with her smile, and he slumped to the ground, shaking his head.He took one gulp from the bottle, and dumped the rest over his head.

“Alright, now that that’s out of your system, care to tell me what’s bothering you?”Sakura stretched her legs lightly before shuffling over to him, fingers combing the bangs out of her face.

“My romantic exploits seem to be the talk of the town, even though there aren’t any.Everyone keeps insisting I’ve found a man,” she said with a hint of sarcastic drama, as if implying a deadpan, _Oh my gawsh, it’s the end of the world._ He examined her in his curiously critical way.

“It’s probably because you look better now.You don’t have the aura of a grieving widow hanging around anymore.”

She flinched.He was putting it bluntly which was good in general terms, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.She practically _had_ been a grieving widow, and then…well, then the problems with Itachi had arisen.Then she’d had to stress and cry over him, and now she was stressing again because he’d gotten himself hurt—

“You look tense, Sakura.Is something wrong?”Hinata’s quiet voice cut through that thought.

_Yes, something’s wrong.I keep worrying about that blasted Uchiha like… like…_

Sakura sunk to the ground, her head hiding in her knees.

“I’m falling in love with him…”

* * *

She was just dependent on him.She relied on him.He was a measure of sanity.He was the chaotic catalyst that brought her back to a semblance of normalcy.

...  And as much as Sakura tried to convince herself of that, the more desperate she sounded.

Currently, the lovely Earthquake Haruno had made it her mission to scrub her way through every pot, pan, cup and chopstick in her entire house, whether it was clean or not.She was steel-wooling the tar out of a frying pan’s backside at that moment, teeth grit in determination.The black and brown staining wasn’t a problem, per se, but the physical exertion was taking her mind off of more troubling things.To an extent.

There was only so much thinking that couldn’t be done while furiously working a scrub-brush.

Behind her, she could feel Itachi watching her from the doorway.He’d come in for a glass of water a moment ago, and she’d given him one before returning to her self-imposed mission.The kitchen was a mess, with varying types of dishes drying everywhere, and all the ones she hadn’t cleaned yet were piled on the counter in tipsy mountains.She plowed through every single one of them in less than two hours, and then started cleaning out the fridge.Anything within a week of its expiration date went in the trash, and if something was needed, it went on a list.Next was the pantry.Canned goods and packages of ramen that she didn’t even realize she had went in a box for donation.

The spice cabinet, bookshelves and entertainment center were next, in a random sort of order.She vacuumed, scrubbed, sprayed, swabbed, Windex-ed, wiped and polished every surface she could reach, and didn’t even bother going to bed.Itachi had surely done most of this already, she knew, but that didn’t stop her.

By the time 10 am rolled around, she hadn’t a thing left to clean, unless she wanted to start over.It was, unfortunately, her day off.Unless they called her in, she had absolutely nothing to do.Sakura spun around from where she’d been staring out her window again, and Itachi was quietly sipping tea on her couch.

He’d even fixed her a cup, which would soon be cold if she didn’t drink it.

Would it be the end if she fell in love again?Would something irreparable happen if she let herself open up to him?Kakashi was gone…it wasn’t wrong to do so.So what was holding her back?She’d thought him an enemy…but she knew now that he wasn’t.Tsunade knew about him and, according to him, had been the one to repair his eyes when he’d been almost completely blind.Obviously, she was okay with him.

_Am I ignoring something important because of some past we..._ _almost_ _share?_

Just then his head lifted, and he looked at her curiously.It was a very veiled look, as they all were; because like his brother, he wasn’t the type to show emotion.Still, as she stared at him the overwhelming feeling she’d been fighting finally came crashing down.It caught up.It felt as if all the arguments she’d presented herself were excuses, and as he always did... Uchiha Itachi overcame them.He made all her mountains back into molehills and offered her freely things that... things she thought she’d never have again.

Everything, all their extenuating circumstances and histories, seemed so, _so_ small and insignificant at that moment.

She wanted to say something... but all she could do was stare at him, lost for words.


	7. Twisted

Her nightmare was going berserk.

Sakura was dependent on Itachi; she’d already acknowledged that.She was also quickly being overwhelmed by something she knew was even more potent than that.The gut-wrenching feeling that was threatening to make her cry again told her, on no uncertain terms, she was going to cling to the Uchiha.

She was going to fall in love with him.She didn’t want to.

She was dreaming that Uchiha Itachi was a good guy with a low tolerance to alcohol and a meek personality.She was dreaming that he was sweet and kind, and would do his utmost for her.She was dreaming.

He was in love with her.She just _had_ to be dreaming.

* * *

The house was cold in the morning.

There wasn’t any music playing, there wasn’t a bath made, and the messes were left just as she’d had them the night before.Sakura was in bed in a wrinkled old t-shirt of Naruto’s that somehow still held residence in her dresser.The papers on her desk were still waiting to be filed, and the curtains were still closed.

She wandered around the apartment.No matter how you looked at it, there wasn’t a sign of life to be found.

She made a bagel for breakfast, spreading the cream cheese on it thickly the way she liked.She added the same amount of sugar and creamer to her coffee that she always had.Her life was normal.

See?She _had_ been dreaming.

Sakura looked at the sink.The dishes were clean because of her spree… but they were still there.The coffee pot was empty because she’d only made enough for one.Her coat was still haphazardly thrown on the counter, and her boots still flopped this and that direction.There wasn’t any note wishing her a safe trip on the door.

Nothing ever happened.She’d been dreaming.

Somehow, it wasn’t hard for her to believe.Itachi, faithful?Like a puppy…no, even like Hachiko, he was _obsessed_ and _dedicated_ , and she should’ve realized much, much sooner that it was all a figment of her imagination.It still made her pause at the table, sitting in front of her plate, somehow still foolishly expecting to have to tell _him_ to take a seat because...but he wasn’t there.

He was _never_ there.Uchiha Itachi was dead.They’d seen the remains of his battle with Sasuke…they’d heard the report from one of his own.Not even her dream had been able to explain this away…that was proof enough, right?

Sakura finished her breakfast and slipped into her boots and winter coat.It was early December, and the winds made it feel even colder than it really was.This was the Fire Country; even just above freezing, it felt too cold.She walked to the hospital, passing by the shops as they were opening in the early morning, and some where they were just closing until they opened again in the evening.

The hospital door slid open silently as always, and the chattering nurses at the desk looked up and gave her a respectful greeting.No, there weren’t any emergencies.Yes, it had been a quiet night.No, there weren’t any special cases for treatment.

There weren’t any of the comments about her love life that she had in her dream.Just as expected.

The hospital was warm inside, but there was a stony feeling in her heart.She just felt… heavy.Even though she was concentrating like normal, she had the feeling that her mind wanted to wander.There was a weight there that begged to be lightened by a little daydreaming, but she wouldn’t allow it that foolishness.

Who wanted to daydream about a nightmare?

When her shift was over, it was only just 1 o’clock.Sakura wandered over to Ichiraku, and Ayame served her some miso ramen before she even ordered, though it was exactly what she wanted.It wasn’t long until Naruto came by, and Hinata was with him, surprisingly.Sakura had brought along a little something with her as a plan for the two… but somehow, she didn’t feel like teasing the heiress about it.Out of her medic apron, she pulled a little bottle, and when the girl was distracted she dumped it in her water.

A few sips later, she was passed out on the counter.

Naruto unglued, and Sakura pretended to do the same, telling him to take her to his house since it was closer and keep an eye on her.He rushed to do that exact thing, and Sakura smiled quietly to herself. The little concoction of sleep aid and aphrodisiac would have her awake and _frustrated_ within 30 minutes, and Naruto would be caught in the butterfly’s trap.They would both be thanking her later.

She wasn’t deriving as much satisfaction from this as she normally would, but she tried not to think about that.

The next day was much the same.Sakura went on with life as usual, and yeah, Naruto and Hinata got together just as planned; the opal-eyed lady was the very personification of ‘glowing with happiness.’Ino was already teasing her about when to plan the wedding.

The next day.

And the next.

Sakura was wandering after her shift, and ended up in the deserted park she could see from her window seat, and she sat down in one of the swings, staring at the sky.It was grey and overcast as if it would snow… but it wouldn’t.At best, it would be a mix of snow and rain, or maybe just frozen rain that would turn the streets to icy obstacle courses for the civilians and kids.

That face was still stuck in her head.That long, brown-black hair, and the eyes that were so dark they looked as if there wasn’t anything to them at all but a void.The long, soft lashes that would sweep down over those eyes.The tiny quirk of lips that was his smile.The small puff of breath he had for a laugh.Skin that had at first been very pale had gotten healthier, and the bags under those mesmerizing eyes had slowly disappeared.

His frustrated face.

His amused face.

His gentle face.

His sleeping face.

His loving face.

She wanted to scream.

Uchiha Itachi was a _dream_.The man called Uchiha Itachi that she _almost_ loved was a dream.She had no reason to be conflicted over it because it wasn’t real.Just like Kakashi, he was dead.Killed by Sasuke, or some disease or something, but he was definitely no longer in the world of the living.

Even as she shook her head and told herself so, the sensation of his hand on her hair was suddenly making her head feel colder, as if he’d just been petting her like that.She put her hand up to that spot and held it over her hair.It felt warm.

It didn’t feel right, though.

* * *

She had initially cleaned up her apartment, but it was back to a disaster area now.The sink was full of dirty dishes that she couldn’t be bothered with, and the floor was papered from one side of the room to the other.Her bedroom was an explosion of semi-clean and dirty laundry; the desk was piled with medical reports nearly a foot high.

She was sitting at the window again, though.

At this time of year, the park was always empty.The children would be playing indoors where it was warm since no one in the Fire Country really appreciated cold weather.Sakura hadn’t turned up the heater, so it was absolutely frigid even inside her room; but she hadn’t bothered to put on a coat, either.She didn’t really feel cold.

Just… strangely, strangely empty.

It felt as if he was supposed to be there.It felt as if he was supposed to be taking care of her like she dreamed he had.Keeping the apartment toasty, and clean.Cooking her those extravagant breakfasts that he had to concentrate so hard on.Wishing her ‘welcome home’ when she came back at the end of the day.Tucking her in at night.

The scent of pine and metal and leather that was so familiar… covered by soap and _him_ , a scent that was warm and masculine, and deeply comforting.How could she still remember even the exact way he smelled?It wasn’t the same as Kakashi’s scent, that mixed with cloves and dog and something earthy; it was different, richly light and heady like an especially sweltering summer day.

She buried her head in her hands, doubling over until her forehead touched her knees.This was ridiculous — but even as she thought that her heart constricted painfully.Not like it was being gripped… but as if a wire had been tied around the middle and was trying to split it in two.Jagged, razor wire that would be painful.

It _was_ painful.

She was starting… to wish it had all been real.She was ascribing a physical pain to an emotional ailment, and it was crippling and terrifying... and there still wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.Haruno Sakura had hallucinated something so realistically that it left a hole in her life when she snapped out of it, and the turmoil was going to purge itself by _clawing its way_ out of her body.

If it were real, at least she wouldn’t be going insane because of a figment of her imagination.At least she would have a reason to feel abandoned and bereft; she could be really missing someone instead of chasing shadows of something she only deluded herself into believing.

It would be so much better if it were real.

If only it were real... but it wasn’t.

* * *

She went to parties like she always did.Surrounded by bright lights, by friends, by laughter, by pure hilarious insanity.She danced, she flirted, she drank.

Then she went home.

The apartment was cold, it was messy, and above all, it was empty.She had passed the stage of melancholy, and the physical pain had dulled enough that she could fake a smile, but as those stages faded, other feelings moved in to take their place.Kakashi was dead.It was reality.

Itachi had never been there to begin with.She had started to feel like this for him…from a dream, or an illusion.

She cursed softly; even though she wished she was angry as hell, she was confused enough that anger became irritation, aggravation, a smoldering aggressiveness with nowhere to go.Why do the men she falls for always die?Sasuke, Kakashi… and yeah.

Itachi.Reality aside, he counted.

She walked down the hall, carelessly stepping on the papers that were littered everywhere.She stopped at her door, gripping the knob and ready to retreat to bed and to dreamless, restless sleep… but turned to look just a little way down the hallway.The door to the spare bedroom was closed, as always.No one had ever used it.Still…

Still… in the dream, it had been _his_ room.She hadn’t dared to set foot in there since she woke up.It was a last resistance, the thread of hope that this room would look just like she’d left it when he used it.It was time to end it though, wasn’t it?She would look and see at this one piece of evidence she was protecting, and prove he never existed.Sakura would prove to herself that she allowed a dream to mess with her to this extent, and then she would move on with her life.

Her bare feet rattled quietly across the papers.After a couple of steps though, there weren’t any more.She’d avoided this door so avidly, it showed.Callused fingers stroked the brass doorknob, and hesitantly…she gripped it.It turned without a sound, and the door swung open, revealing a stark, plain room.The white curtains were spotless, the dresser was cleaned off, the bed was made.

Her eyes, though, were drawn to the floor space that was stained with splattered blood.

It was as if the last week she had been sleeping.He was here.It was real.Every meal, every awkward silence; every embarrassed blush, every stupidly sweet but lovable thing he’d done–!

“Sakura-san?”

She whipped around, and it was as if she’d wished him into existence: the beautiful features, the stature that had her eye-to-shoulder with him, those void-black eyes that looked at her with a curious affection.He was real.He had been, from the beginning.

It wasn’t a dream.

“…Itachi…?”She must’ve looked as insecure as she felt, because he looked thrown by it.Sakura reached up hesitantly and wiped a fleck of blood from his face.“Where…?”

“I was avenging you.”He gave a complicated half-smile at her surprise.“That foreign dignitary was known for hiring odd and powerful bodyguards, and pardoning their crimes as long as they worked for him.Last time one thought I was too curious for a simple hangyoku, so he beat me.They were the ones… who killed Kakashi-san.So I returned the favor.”

Her heart couldn’t decide whether to speed up or stop beating altogether.After a few moments… she just snapped.

“I thought you didn’t exist!I was scared shitless, thinking I’d hallucinated the whole thing!”

He startled, and backed to the other side of the hall.The stress was like a ball of rubber bands inside, and each one of them was beginning to snap and fling off in its own direction.It was haphazard, instant unraveling that took her down to the core where she’d stored and hidden every fear, every nightmare, every hope and daydream about him that had happened in the last seven days.One could call it snapping... but it might’ve been a little closer to fireworks.

“Damn it, I thought I was hallucinating!I thought I was going insane for thinking you’d been here, believing a _dead man_ was living with me!How the hell do you think I felt, watching myself fall apart like that?How do you think I reacted to emotional pain so acute it had physical repercussions? The more normal I acted the less normal I felt because you’ve turned me inside out!You waltz in and make fucking _anarchy_ in my life, and then you think you can just waltz back out without even saying goodbye?!”She took a breath, an attempt at steadying herself.It didn’t do any good; as if screaming were the last bulwark, the second she tried to calm down it was too late.The first tear started to slide down her cheek as she looked up at him, green eyes lighted with anguish that was even visible in the unlit hallway.“What good would revenge do me, Itachi?Sure, the guys who killed Kakashi are dead, but what if _you_ had died?”

He hesitated.“I am superior to those loose canons, Sakura-san.”

“So what if you are?!What if I had lost you?The possibility isn’t zero, Itachi.”She reached out and fisted her hands in his traveling cloak, a white-knuckled grip pressed against his chest.The tears weren’t stopping, and just now she didn’t care if they did or not.“I thought I _dreamed up_ everything about you.I thought I was losing my mind over a figment of my imagination.What do you think would’ve happened to me if you hadn’t come back?I certainly don’t want to know.It gives me fucking _chills_ like Death is running his nails down my spine.Damn you for making me so dependent!This is exactly what I grew strong to _avoid_ , and you’re undoing all of it!All that hard work! All the struggles to make sure I would _never_ fall apart because of a man ever again and you’re just…!”

When exactly it happened, she wasn’t sure.Who started it wasn’t exactly for sure, either, but they were kissing; lips melded together, hot and bitter with salt from tears and the blood from a bite she didn’t remember making.His hands were cautiously at her waist, but she was dragging her fingers through his hair, letting them get caught in the tangles and not bothering to pull them out.His lips were chapped, but she didn’t care; the roughened skin sent chills sparking across her jaw.He was being careful of her for her sake, she knew... but they were way past time to be careful.She, Haruno Sakura, was too fucking _tired_ for careful.  All she wanted Uchiha Itachi, in whatever way he would give himself to her.

This time, she _knew_ that she started it.

In seconds, the clasp for his cloak was undone, and she pushed it from his shoulders to pool at their feet.Her hitai-ate was next, and then her shirt, discarded with nary a glance.Itachi seemed to be withdrawing, as if nervous...but she wouldn’t let him.Her medical apron hit the floor, bottles, and phials clanking and rattling, spilling out over the carpet as she simply followed what instinct said should’ve happened a long, long time ago.

When she pulled his shirt over his head, he looked overwhelmed.Served him right.She’d been feeling the same way for almost a week now.

Sakura didn’t pull him towards his room, but hers.The golden coverlet was cold against her fingers when she pushed him down, pinning him with her small figure, but it only made the heat more painfully acute.His ghosting fingers—more hesitant than before—and hers that might have left bruises were stark opposites yet completely harmonious.She needed him.

She _needed_ him.

Itachi wasn’t a possession.He wasn’t a leech or a servant, or a demon bent on spiriting away his promised bride.He wasn’t anything but a man, and she needed him.

It was her first time ever consciously doing this with someone.She’d been saving herself for Sasuke, and then fell in love with the reserved Kakashi; she had never given herself to a man, and the inexperience was frustrating.Sakura encouraged Itachi to take the lead, leading his hands to her hair, whispering dirty sounds and begging words in his ear, and when he did…surrender was so easy.His gentleness gave way to a restrained fervor, a firmness in his hands leaving the most pleasurable feelings in their wake.His kisses began to stray, and she encouraged it.Beneath her touch, his skin turned feverishly hot; and in return, his strokes sent needles of delicious electricity across her skin, raking it with pain, with pleasure.Their nails left marks from bruises to welts; they licked each other's wounds physically, but her heart was too full to say what she was really thinking.She should have called him by his name, told him just what she was thinking at that moment because it was just that important... but she was cursing him, still telling him how horrible he was, and how worried she’d been.

For every curse though, she kissed him.She kissed him and hoped to God he knew she didn’t mean a damn word of it.She had so much to tell him…so very, very much, but could only manage one thing before he folded her to his side beneath the covers.

“Bastard.I’m already twisted around your little finger.”


	8. I Told You So

“You got laid, didn’t you.”

Sakura nearly choked on her tea.Ino’s flat statement stunned her to silence.Yeah, she’d gotten laid.Every night for a week.By the smokin’ hot Uchiha the Elder, no less.

Not that she was about to _admit_ that. _Hedge.Hedge like your life depends on it.Hedge hedge hedge hedge hedge hedge_ —!

“Is that a crime?”

“Since you haven’t told me yet?Yeah, it is.”The medic’s expression soured.

“Go play with your own body pillow.”The blonde turned neatly pink to match her friend’s hair.“Yes, I got laid.Yes, he’s unbelievably sexy and he totally knows what he’s doing.No, he doesn’t have any weird quirks before, during or after.Satisfied?”

“Not really, but I have a feeling you don’t want to tell me any more than that.”Ino pouted as she stirred her tea.“I’m not dense, you know; you’re purposely not telling me his name.Does Naruto know?Hell, does _Tsunade-sama_?”

_Shishou yes, Naruto no._ “Shishou knows, but I haven’t told Naruto yet.”

A dirty look crossed her face.“So secretive, all the sudden.Is there something we should know?”

Sakura didn’t say anything.Yes, they should know.They really, really _needed_ to know.Ino was no stranger to the problems of the Uchiha clan; and even worse, Naruto was hardly uninvolved with Akatsuki, though the group was well over a year gone.The man she was sleeping with was once a mortal enemy.

There’s no way, if it got around, that there wouldn’t be a huge outcry.

Ino sighed, and sipped the hot drink.She knew better than to press Sakura for answers when she was acting like this.Something was troubling her, and apparently, it had to be dealt with on her own.The girl was obviously lovesick, but something about her partner was making her go all _weird_.The blonde ticked off a mental list of ‘candidates’ that might inspire Sakura’s secrecy; it was a decently long list since Naruto would likely raze any potential suitors to the ground without so much as a by-your-leave.Gaara… well, it’d be awkward as hell, but Gaara might survive.Kankurou was a good candidate for chaos, and Kiba too... if he was still single.Hmm.That was something to look in to.

The mind-walker hoped Sakura decided to tell her soon.The curiosity was killing her.

* * *

Like before, he was still cautious.He would touch her gently, and when _sure_ that his affection was welcomed, would get closer.First a brush of fingers across her hair, and then a press of lips to her temple.Sakura was sitting on the couch and supposedly reading a medical report, but she hadn’t flipped a page in half an hour; there was no way he hadn’t noticed.

“Sakura-san?”There was a silent breath out, and she turned to look up at him with a quiet smile.“Is something troubling you?”

“There’s always something to trouble me, Itachi.You’re the one who makes it less troubling.”He felt an edge of deception, but let it go.He didn’t know her reasons why, and forcing her was still hardly his place.

Not when he wasn’t sure of her feelings yet.

“Would you like some tea?”

“Do we have anything good?”She was about to toss the report over her shoulder, interest far from it as it was, but he caught the file before it dropped, and laid it carefully on the extra desk taking up one of the walls.“I want leaves, not bags right now…”

“I was able to procure some Jasmine tea while I was out.”She nodded.

“That sounds perfect.”

Itachi moved to the kitchen, where he took out the only real tea set she had and proceeded to boil the water needed.When he glanced at her over his shoulder, she was still staring into space with a worried look.Sakura remained that way the whole while, even when he came back with her cup; she accepted it and turned back into her thoughts.Occasionally she would drink, but her jade eyes remained trained on an indefinite spot on the floor, her brow knit in varying degrees of aggravation, frustration, and concern.

He was sure, after a while, that he was the one troubling her after all.

Unsure of what to do for her in the same room, Itachi moved down the hall and to his room, closing the door silently behind himself.He wanted to be there for her...he wanted to be Sakura’s pillar of support; instead, he was the reason she seemed to be losing her footing.Sometimes he could still see that fleeting madness that was present when he returned from his semisecret mission to avenge Kakashi; it was a piece of her so deathly afraid of being alone that she would even cling to _him_ if it would help.

Itachi thought himself a good judge of character; going through a war, his family planning a coup, working as a double agent for Konoha against his family and then against Madara and the Akatsuki... after more than a decade of living as a missing-nin, he would have _only_ survived if he understood others’ intentions toward him.Sakura was a contradiction on the best of days, loyalty fighting with dependency, fear warring with need, abhorrence at odds with affection.

She _did_ have affection for him.Some odd, twisted, horrifying affection that he was sure was due only to the emotional toll their situation chemistry took on her... something akin to Stockholm Syndrome, without the danger and the cause to be sympathetic to.It tore him up inside to think that loving her could twist her the way it had.He was bending not her heart, but her mind.

Itachi sat behind the door to his room, this already bloodstained room, and held his head in his hands, bottom lip bleeding as he bit it.When Sakura started to call his name, he tried to tell himself that there wasn’t a note of hysteria in it.

* * *

Finding the resolve to tell them was proving difficult.

Sakura mulled over the paperwork on her desk, forcing all her concentrating powers in the direction they were supposed to be going.The fact that her best friends didn’t have a clue in the world that she was married to a once-mortal enemy was not the priority worry at the moment.

She sighed, forehead meeting her desk in a hollow bonk.Who was she kidding?

Ino knew something was up.She was waiting patiently because she sensed well enough that this was one issue that couldn’t be forced.Naruto was drowning in love at the moment, since the Hyuuga heiress was spoiling him rotten with affection, but he wasn’t oblivious either.He just knew that if he asked, he might say something wrong and incur her wrath.Well, it was a definite possibility, after all.Still, _telling_ them…

“I’m married to Uchiha Itachi…”

The uneasy, sick sensation in her stomach got worse.Thinking about their faces if she said that…it made her so torn and uneasy that she couldn’t handle it.They needed to know.

She didn’t want them to know.

“Oh, please forgive me…”

* * *

They were standing over Kakashi’s grave.That was how she’d called them out.Naruto and Ino stood behind her, sending up their own prayers in silence.

_Kakashi…I’m sorry.I’ve already found someone again.I can’t imagine that I’ll ever love him like I loved you, but… he’s here.He loves me, or so he says.Uchiha Itachi… he wasn’t a bad guy, but I couldn’t seem to accept that.I’ve seen him now, though.I_ **_know_ ** _him.I watch all of his expressions and decode them, just like I used to with you, and with Sasuke.He blushes so easily, you know.It’s really cute.He’s meek but holds himself strongly.He hesitates to touch me because he’s probably scared to want anything for himself.He wanted Sasuke to stay alive, and that was the last selfish desire he acted on.It became a disaster.I can feel him twisting me around his finger, but I already have him twisted inside out._

_I loved you, Kakashi.I still do.But…_

She raised her head and traced the kanji of his name with her eyes.“Hatake Kakashi, Jounin.The Infamous Copy Ninja.”

She recited his registration number, birthday, blood type, star-sign, likes and dislikes, and his best and worst traits.Behind her, Naruto and Ino were listening, quietly and carefully.Sakura didn’t turn around.She wouldn’t face them when she confessed, because their expressions… held every possibility of breaking her.

“I’m married.”She heard the light intake of breath from them both.

“… To who?”Ino’s whisper was teeming with confounded shock.Sakura hesitated again.Her resolve was wavering, because once she told them who… once they knew… things would just change—irrevocably, and probably negatively.She swallowed, willing her lungs not to shake.

She had to tell them.She didn’t want to but… she had to.

“…Uchiha Itachi.”Their silence was overwhelming, but she continued.“Remember that mission a few months ago, where I had to escort that merchant from Tea’s southern port to the Naruto Bridge?The client was two days late, and I’d been drinking the whole time.I was knocking back whole bottles of whiskey.I didn’t know who he was, because I was starting to get buzzed and didn’t look at him… but things happened.He got drunk, too, and he took us to a local chapel.It happened in one night, just like that.I took off out of the hotel room the next morning without ever seeing his face.”

The silence still reigned.It was burning her back with shame, with outrage.She hoped with anything but anger.

“He came here for me.Tsunade-shishou knows; she healed his eyes.He was almost completely blind at the time, but now he’s okay.Tsunade-shishou is fine with this.”She sounded like she was trying to convince herself;whether it was working or not, she wasn’t too very sure, but the sound of her voice wavering and cracking was hideous.Her vision tunneled, focusing with fervor on the name of her old sensei and lover, using that as a lifeline to keep talking.She could almost see him sitting there and listening to her with a grave, scrutinizing eye.“He’s been staying with me.Taking care of me.He avenged Kakashi’s death for me.”

“Sakura-chan—”

“I slept with him.”

Her words were even quieter this time, a whisper that was nearly give-out just trying to be spoken, and whatever Naruto was about to say stopped right there.The nausea was churning in her stomach again.She was trying her best to tell them straight, because sugaring it over would have made it worse.

But she was scared.

She was _terrified_.

She whipped around on the balls of her feet, still kneeling just as they were.The looks on their faces were so conflicted she couldn’t even begin to judge where she stood.Hate? Revulsion?Mistrust?She couldn’t tell, and it made it even more overwhelmingly frightening.

“Please…  _please_ forgive me.You’re my _best_ friends.You have to understand!”Give them up?Give up Itachi?Neither seemed like an option.Neither _was_ an option, because to give up either would tear her apart.“I love you, both of you!But Itachi…”

_… is special.I need him... and he needs me, too._

“Sakura… Tsunade-sama was fine with this?” Ino asked cautiously.Most of those that had been concerned with the Akatsuki and Naruto had been informed by now, but just like Sakura…just like her, the grudge wouldn’t disappear that easily.The monster they’d always thought him to be had never really existed.Asking someone to wrap their mind around that was too hard.It was too much.“You know that even if it’s not what he’s really like…he still did those things.He killed Gaara.He tried to kill Naruto.”

That very Jinchuuriki was sitting next to them, a pained look on his face.There weren’t even words to describe it.Just so painful… as if he were about to cry for the first time in years.He lifted those truest-blue eyes to look at her, measuring his words, reigning himself in, trying so, _so_ hard to not jump to all the wrong conclusions or accusations.

“Do you love him?”

That was all he said.She could see on his face, the conflict warring inside.Warring… with a past that couldn’t be easily expunged.Her past with Itachi hadn’t been easy to get past either, but Naruto…felt it all firsthand.He wasn’t feeling it as the one who cared for someone else.Because of Sasuke’s tortured thirst for vengeance, he’d had to kill him.Gaara, not only just the Kazekage, but also the only other one that could truly understand where he was coming from as a Jinchuuriki, had been killed.Because his father had sealed the Kyuubi in him, making him a hero of sorts… he himself was nearly killed.Itachi was a root of evil, and a root that had once supported a much larger tree of that evil.He was a threat.He was dangerous.

Sakura meant just as much to him, though; she was every bit as precious as that man was heinous.

The kunoichi couldn’t answer him.She didn’t know how.She pulled him into a hug, burying her nose in his hair like she might’ve done to a little brother if she’d had one.He always smelled like water and sunshine over the scent of sweat, wood, and metal.He was warm.He was this close, and she wanted his heart to stay as close to hers as this, always.

But she couldn’t answer him.

* * *

Behind a tree, Itachi’s hand clenched at his chest, clothes protesting the rough treatment quietly.

He hadn’t heard what the Jinchuuriki said, but he knew that Sakura hadn’t answered.She was drawing him closer, pulling him in as if promising something.

The pain was unbearable.

He escaped the site, shooting across the village.He _was_ what was troubling her.Sakura had been plagued by guilt because she hadn’t told her friends.Whatever Stockholm Syndrome she was facing had been a further deterrent from telling her friends, but she’d finally shaken it off.She’d shaken off this strange attachment, hadn’t she?He couldn’t find it in himself to be happy, though.

The burning in his chest ate away at him.Itachi slipped into an old archive tower and hid amongst the dusty books and scrolls.Like he always had.Like he probably always would, he hid somewhere small and dusty and deserted.

There was no way she would choose him over them.There was no way she would choose him, a former enemy turned lover, over her best friends.Over her village.Over her current life.

It was just that simple.

If he hadn’t cried all his tears long ago, he was sure he would’ve cried then.The exhaustion that was supposed to come afterward settled over his shoulders anyway, a heavy weight that made his eyes itchy and heavy, and his whole body feel like lead.

_She would never love me._

He slipped into darkness, running from physical pain to a nirvana that sometimes resembled hell.A single tear slid unnoticed down his face and dried there as he slept, a requiem for all the tears he owed the woman he was sure...was _sure_ he loved, and could never really have.


	9. You Won't Find This

“Sakura-chan… be careful, okay?”

Naruto had walked her home.Ino went to go make Shikamaru behave like a proper boyfriend by comforting her, though she’d promised she wouldn’t tell him — or anyone — about the Uchiha.Sakura’s hand was clasped in his softly; his right hand, which was rough and pitted oddly in a few places from the Rasengan.The jinchuuriki’s thumb brushed over hers lightly.

“Don’t worry.If… if you come to see him, you’ll understand.He may be deadly… but he isn’t dangerous.”

She smiled and slipped her hand from his grasp, moving lightly up the metal stairs to her back door.The knob turned silently as she let herself in, and she turned back to look at her best friend one last time.The pain was still there, on his face, but there wasn’t betrayal.He couldn’t think of her that way.The woman smiled gently, and slipped inside, closing the door behind her.

The apartment was empty.

Like he’d done in the beginning, the place was flawlessly clean, but she was absolutely certain that he was nowhere inside the residence.The CD player wasn’t playing that gentle, classical music.The heater, though still keeping the apartment warm, wasn’t up nearly as high as he kept it when they were home.The presence that indicated ‘Itachi,’ was now something she was so sensitive to… that she felt it instinctually.Sakura would admit — she was a little disappointed.Though Naruto and Ino hadn’t outright _accepted_ him… they hadn’t rejected him either.In fact, it looked as though Ino would go and get drunk off her ass and come over with a hangover the in a couple of days to interrogate him relentlessly.That was a good thing.

Naruto wouldn’t be much different, though he would stay sober and brood a good while instead.

Glancing at the clock, the medic decided that she would shower and go to bed early.When she woke up, she was certain she would see Itachi.

* * *

The morning came, and he still wasn’t back.Sakura frowned at the empty, untouched side of the bed.Maybe Tsunade had given him a mission?In a twisted sort of sense, he was still a Konoha shinobi.

She slipped from the bed and opened the curtains.It was Christmas Eve, come to think of it; the city had been decorated with garlands of holly and mistletoe (which was unfortunate in some situations and hilarious in others, since the decoration crew had gotten ‘creative’).It’d been this way… for over a month, really…

_And I’m only just now noticing.I swear, life has had me on the ropes this year.Where did summer go?Come back, Obon!I think I forgot to float a lantern this year... well, damn._ She snorted, thinking of how Sandaime, Kakashi, Sasuke, and Chiyo-sama were probably all wondering why she only just now noticed that she’d been remiss in paying her respects.

Her stomach had ideas aside from silly holiday cheerfulness; with a _one, two, wasshoi_ sort of feel, it sent her to the bathroom in preparation to lose what breakfast she hadn’t had.It didn’t settle, and yet it didn’t purge...Sakura sighed, hanging over the sink with a hand to her forehead.No fever, so that ruled out lots.A crackle of chakra said her ears and nose were all green, so that ruled out a few possible infections.Resigning herself to an impromptu checkup, she started filling the bathtub with hot water and rock salt, tossing in a small pack of bath oils for good measure.No need not to take it leisurely; she didn’t have work until early afternoon anyway.Clothes in hamper, hair in a messy bun, she eased herself into the homeopathic bath with a heartfelt sigh of relaxation.Right hand on chest and left hand on lower abdomen, she started. 

Virus?No.Injury?No.There weren’t any abnormalities with her stomach, or her lungs, or most anything other of her internal organs.She spread her chakra wider, for a more generalized check, instead of looking only for unnatural anomalies.Then she could feel it; something was off after all, and she sighed at the thought that her body was just being weird and doing something without her permission. _I hope it won’t take too much to beat it into submission; I refuse to be sick on Christmas, of all the days in a year,_ she groused to herself, measuring her hormones, following the patterns to indicate the source.She was supposed to be starting her period soon, she knew… but there weren’t any indications of it at all.She probed around her lower abdomen carefully, checking herself.

Then she checked again.

And again.

And again.

Because… this just… couldn’t possibly be right.

She swallowed and withdrew her chakra, not even bothering to ease her nausea as she did.Now she felt sick for more reasons than one.

The medic just sat there for a while, soaking in the tub until the smell of essential oils was nearly gone and the water was freezing cold, before mechanically continuing her day.Work, shopping, coming home.Itachi still wasn’t back, and the burning in her chest combined with her stressed stomach; she finally lost her lunch to the kitchen sink.

Sakura put the groceries away.It was only 8 ‘o clock… but she went to bed and stared blankly out the window at a dreary, clouded night until sleep finally got her.

* * *

Sakura’s eyes popped open.

The bedside lamp on the other side was on, and she could see the digital readout of her alarm clock — 11:47.She flipped over, knowing before she even moved that he was there.Itachi was hovering over the nightstand, a pen in his hand.He had apparently been writing something, but stopped when he noticed her waking.Sakura blinked at him owlishly, completely alert, and yet physically tired to the point of not bothering to move.

“Welcome home.”She whispered it quietly, not sure why he was sneaking around, or disappearing, or writing a note.If something was wrong, she wasn’t about to get him caught by pursuers.To her surprise, his eyes turned away.

He wasn’t looking at her.Her eyes sharpened on him, and she raised up on one elbow carefully.

“Itachi?What’s wrong?”There was a hesitation.She didn’t know what to make of it.“Are you okay?”

“…I’ll be leaving now.”She hesitated.He moved away from her bed quietly and stood facing the door, fists held tightly at his sides.“I have caused you more trouble than I should have ever dared to.I apologize.Deeply.”

“Wait a sec, what are you saying? What do you mean, you’re leaving?”The nausea stirring in her stomach was getting worse.She ignored it and started getting up, but by the time she slipped her feet onto the floor, he was behind her, whispering softly in her ear.

“I give my deepest, deepest apologies for hurting you.I had not intended to make you chose between your friends and myself.They mean too much to you for me to interfere.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?!”She could feel the distinct, heavy pressure of a thumb against the pressure point that was supposed to knock her unconscious.Her thoughts flittered…

To Sasuke…

He was laying her on the bed so, so gently, but in a burst of anger, Sakura channeled her chakra and counteracted his gentle assault.Adrenaline brought her fully awake in a matter of moments, and before he’d registered she was moving, he was pinned to the mattress.He could move her if he wanted to.He could’ve thrown her, knocked her out again.There was no reason for him to discontinue his escape, even now.Itachi just stared up at her though, showing her a face that was bracing itself against something painful, and held himself at an emotional arms’ length as she confronted him.

“What the hell are you thinking, bastard?”Her words hissed, a low, seething anger clear in her voice.“Putting yourself against my friends?Do you still see them as the enemy?”

“No... but they will not accept me.”She growled at his flat tone.

“What do you know?Were you listening in on us or something?”His ebony eyes met hers in a tragically, beautifully haunted in a way; it made him look so painfully and deceptively fragile.

“I was.At the gravesite of your love.”She scowled.

“You don’t know them.Their words are hardly everything.”

“Then will they accept me?”Perfectly green eyes stared at him.They examined him, and seemed to judge, yet forgive.

“Even if they didn’t, I wouldn’t let you go.You can’t just _walk away_ from me. You and I both know it.” 

Even if his heart was burning with pain, it was swelling with love.She was saying something she didn’t really understand, he was sure.It was the lingering obsession talking; it was that part of herself that so desperately needed someone by her side.The thought that it was a mild form of insanity was despicably ironic, and it just made the conversation even harder. 

Sakura pressed on, trying somehow to convey exactly what she thought through words.He needed to understand, and he _would_ if he stopped trying to over-interpret everything.“They’ll probably come to see you soon.I know; I can tell.Probably not in the morning, but in a day or so.They expect to see you, and judge you based on what I see.Ino will be hung over and pissed as hell, and Naruto will be broody, moody and arrogant like some older brother figure, even though he’s actually younger than me.It’ll be a pain in the ass, and they’ll make themselves difficult, but if you’re even a tenth the way you are with me to them, they’ll accept you.They’ll understand why I need you and rely on you so damned much, and they’ll let it go.It may not be approval, but they won’t interfere, and they won’t scowl every time your name comes up in conversation.

“Even if you left now, it wouldn’t be enough.We’re already so mixed up and insane over each other that we’d never find anything else like this.What would you do, go find someone else?You may try to move on eventually, but you would always, _always_ compare the next one to me, and I’m sure as hell to do the same.It would never be the same.Never good enough.You will never, as long as you live, Uchiha… you’ll never find this with anyone else.Even if it’s difficult.Even if it’s psychotic, illogical, out of control, complete anarchy and totally unbalanced.You will _never_ love like this again.”

_Neither… will I._ She didn’t say it.She couldn’t.Not yet.

“I will… take that chance.” 

Sakura stared at him, stunned. She stared and tried to see something, _anything_ but the sincerity and suffering written on his face, but the shadows on his already dark eyes and the slight tilt of his brows were just as they seemed, unchanging.

Itachi dislodged his arms from her grip, and wrapped them around her carefully, reversing their positions with ease.Now pressed into the covers, he looked down at her, eyes drinking her in.How her sweet, pink hair splayed across the sage green of her satin pillowcase, how her pale skin glowed with life in the warmth of the lamp.How she looked so perfectly angelic, surrounded by greens and golds, with that shocked, near-tears face.

“I will have to take the chance, for you.You are right; I will never meet another woman like you.One so stubbornly loyal, so quickly forgiving, so frighteningly temperamental, so ridiculously strong in mind and body.Never will I meet someone who makes me feel like a child again, or who gives me the desire to throw away all for the sake of her slightest whim.”He let a bitter smile slide onto his face, and the pain outgrew the shock exponentially on her features.“I am a stubborn man also, Sakura.You should know that.”

“You can’t… You can’t leave…”Her speech was hesitating, but he knew that she was just clinging.Only clinging, because he had been kind to her above and beyond, when she had been at her lowest.He had avenged her of his own will, shown open affection that she had never received, and the fear of losing that was outweighing her common sense.It was such a damning condition, and he wondered if she even realized she was suffering from it.“You’re the one who doesn’t get it, Itachi. You just _can’t_ go.”

She was becoming firmer in that conviction, and he leaned down, brushing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“You will definitely find someone better than me.I promise.”

In a flickering moment, he was at her bedroom door.Sakura couldn’t move.She felt sick.She felt like if she moved it would make her lose what little food she’d had that day.

“Itachi, you can’t leave me like this.”He paused, his hand on the doorknob.

“You will definitely forget me.”

“I will never be able to forget you.You will always be with me, even if you leave, you bastard.You’re going to leave me to take care of this by myself?” 

He felt the bitter smile tweaking his lips.“Take care of what, Sakura?”

“Of me…and our kid.”


	10. All-American Girl

“Are you… sure?”Sakura glanced at the clock.12:01.

“Merry Christmas, _darling_.Anything else I can do for you?” she quipped, sarcastically cheerful.Of _course,_ she was sure.

Sakura wasn’t aware of his approach, but when Itachi’s hand settled on her stomach, she turned back to look at him.Her angry, untrusting eyes made his heart ache, but there was easily more worry, more insecurity, more pain and fear than anger.

She was pregnant.

She was bearing _his child_.

He stared into her eyes for just ages, until she pulled him into the bed with her.The lamp was ignored, but Sakura watched as Itachi stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night, finally slipping into fitful sleep just before dawn.

There was a _baby_ inside of her.It was his, no two ways about it.He was completely overwhelmed by the idea of having a child, she could tell.

Sasuke was the one who was supposed to “revive the clan,” not him.

The ironic smile that passed over her features was lost on the sleeping man beside her.Without her notice, she followed him to dream

* * *

Her stomach was in much the same condition as the previous morning, tossing about happily as if making her nauseous was the most fabulous thing in the world. The result was a rather early morning despite their late night, and Sakura groggily stumbled toward the bathroom to dig through her stash of herbs for some mint supplements and lavender body spray.With a tentative mental note to find some pregnancy-proof nausea pills,she veritably _cringed_ at the insanely loud knocking and complaining outside her front door.

Not ones to disappoint her expectations, Ino and Naruto were standing on her stoop in the exact conditions she’d predicted.Ino’s eyes were bloodshot and her clothes had apparently been slept in.Just the opposite, it looked like Naruto hadn’t slept at all.

One glance at a clock calendar told Sakura she and Itachi had slept a whole day, but she was sure that she looked just as ragged.

“Well, the day after Christmas, just as expected.Ready to meet the family?” she asked sardonically.No one really noticed, but Itachi came in behind her.Hooking an arm carefully around her ribcage, he lifted her away from the door and pulled it open politely.“Ah, and this would be my aforementioned husband!So I’m unofficially officially an Uchiha.Ha, and here we thought it’d be Sasuke bestowing the honor, right?”

“Sakura-chan?”

“Gimme a minute.I think I have to go barf.”

Her expression soured as she took off down the hallway, and sure enough, the sounds of gagging could be heard a few seconds later.Ino turned suspicious, reddened eyes on the Uchiha.

“She isn’t…?”He nodded softly.“…Uchiha, you’d better be a damned good husband, or I’m going to kill you.”

“That has been acknowledged.”Itachi shut the door quietly behind them, and invited them to the kitchen; he gently adjusted the tablecloth on the dinette, and as the two were about to sit he politely pulled the chair out at Ino’s place.What she thought of that didn’t show on her face.

They observed him quietly, and he continued what he’d been doing.Itachi had set to cleaning quite early that morning, doing away with what little mess had exploded in his two-day absence.The decision to leave that he’d been so sure of was now a guilty ghost lurking between them; it hadn’t really shown itself in the short time they’d been awake so far, but he felt it keenly.

Itachi carefully mixed the batter for pancakes, and threw in a few spices he knew were supposed to assist with an upset stomach.Started coffee, sliced fruit, fried sausage.He was trying to be so very, very careful of all of it, and seem professional at the same time.Sakura’s footsteps reached his ears as she made her way back into the kitchen; but instead of going to sit down at the table, she came up behind him on tiptoe to spy on his cooking again.

“No snitching, Sakura-san.”

“Miser.”He couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped him.They’d had this conversation before, and it felt familiar and comfortable despite the circumstances.Her body heat warmed his back, making it even hotter than the already cuddly-warm house.She seemed to like waking up to these warm quarters, with the little bit of music playing in the background.Itachi had only crossed his fingers and hoped that she would.At least he’d been right.

When he began serving the food, he didn’t bother to look at the faces of their guests.He was sure he would know their opinions soon enough.

Ino eyed the food critically.

_“He says he isn’t the greatest cook — and yeah, he still burns things — but he really goes all out to try and please me.My house is so clean it doesn’t even look like the same place.”_

She had not only been examining Itachi, but also the apartment; Sakura hadn’t been exaggerating.The place was absolutely spotless.Ino didn’t say anything when he threw extra spices in the batter he was using, but she knew he was aiming to help Sakura when he did, her nose catching a waft of mint from the tea on the stove.The Uchiha was extra considerate of her hangover, serving coffee and ice-cold water.For Naruto, he provided a cup of that fragrant mint tea sort — a counterbalance to stress as well as an upset stomach.The elder man’s footsteps were near silent but rhythmic as he crossed the kitchen over and over again, bringing so many things she began to wonder if the table could hold it all.

“Itachi, the food’s gonna get cold,” Sakura said teasingly from the seat she had assumed at the table.He stilled, and then simply _appeared_ in the seat next to her.That simple sentence from Sakura… and he immediately, without question, obeyed.

Okay.So he’d earned a few brownie points.She wasn’t going to deny him what he was earning.

Her friend had been right — though the sausage was a little burnt, and he was a tad excessive in his service, Itachi really _could_ cook when he tried.She took a bite of the hotcakes and noted that even without syrup and just a little bit of butter, it was delicious.The spices were aromatic and soothing to her hangover, and she silently thanked his consideration.

Naruto seemed to be agreeing with Ino, his eyes observing them closely but not critically from across the dinette.

When she cast a glance at the two she’d come to inspect, they weren’t touching.There wasn’t any lovey-dovey flirting, either.None of the saccharinely sweet antics of newlyweds.Itachi was excessively attentive to her needs, and Sakura accepted all his consideration with a bit of kindness that seemed almost unresponsive in comparison.Thinking like that…

Wasn’t Itachi the one at a disadvantage here?

It occurred to Ino exactly what Sakura had said —  _Itachi_ was the one in love with _her_.She’d never said anything about returning those feelings — though it was obvious she felt some sort of affection for him.The blonde observed quietly as she ate.This wasn’t what she’d expected… well, she hadn’t known what to expect, but it wasn’t this.She glanced at Naruto across the table.

He was watching them with an expression that said he knew what he was seeing… but wasn’t ready to believe it just yet.

* * *

“Why do you love her?”

They were sitting in the living room.Sakura was at the window seat, observing with amusement as Ino and Naruto grilled her ‘husband.’Itachi was taking it well, of course… but naturally, there was something to be nervous about.

She wouldn’t have forgiven him if he wasn’t nervous.

“I can’t name it so simply, Ino-san.”

“Then what do you love most about Sakura-chan?”He smirked, and the reaction made Sakura smirk too, just because it was going to frustrate her friends.

“Her smile.”

“… Oh, _my gosh_ , cheesy much?!”

“Indeed.”

“Answer us straight, bastard!”

“I love her honesty and fighting spirit.Her intelligence, her battle style, her forgiving heart.There are many things to love about Sakura-san; should I have to choose only one?Her bad traits can be nearly as endearing as her good ones.”

Okay, Ino had to admit.That was sweet.She glanced at her best friend sitting by the window, and noted the ridiculous, uncontrollable grin spread across her face; at the same time, she was turning a wonderful shade of rosy red.

…This was actually kind of fun.

“How’d you manage to get her to let you stay?”He face-faulted, and almost, _almost_ pouted.

“She fell sick, and didn’t have the energy to oppose me.”

“And afterward he was just too mysterious, and I had to know more about him.So I didn’t kick him out.”The Cheshire cat grin on Sakura’s face was back.Ino was beginning to wonder how all these events fit together.

What a weird story.If she ever met the author, she’d question their sanity.

“You’re going to take responsibility for the baby, _right_?” 

All joking aside, that was an important question.Itachi and Sakura both sobered, and their gazes met.Sakura wanted to know the answer to that question just as much as they did.Itachi had stayed because he was surprised…but would he take off again?Would he try to leave… her… again?His deep brown-black eyes never wavered as he responded, “I will, if Sakura-san allows me.”

* * *

Sakura entered the Hokage’s office quietly, and noticed that Tsunade was — for once — mostly sober and doing her job properly, despite the scowl on her face.When her apprentice made her presence known, the woman looked up at her with astute eyes and pursed lips.

“Well?I haven’t heard from you since this mess started; has he changed your mind?”

“I don’t know, but I’m pregnant.”Sakura took a seat on the couch, ready and yet _not_ ready to have this conversation out.She’d avoided it for long enough already.It was time to be honest.

“I’d say that, if not changed, it’s at least considerably improved then.”The younger woman mirrored the ironic smile on her face.“Will you keep the child?”

“Obviously.There’s no way I could give him up.”The ironic smile became a teasing smirk.

“Are you sure it’s a ‘he’?”Sakura shook her head.

“No, but a boy is what he wants, I’m sure.”

“How far along are you?”

“About two weeks.”

The silence in the room was a little daunting, but her teacher wasn’t angry; she continued to examine her student with a curious eye.She quite obviously didn’t disapprove.Tsunade probably knew Itachi since long before he became a missing-nin; her trust had likely been restored from the moment she found him out as Jiraiya’s contact.Was there anything left to say at this point?

Not knowing what to do, Sakura stood and started cleaning a pile of paper off the edge of her teacher’s desk, organizing, flipping, shuffling, signing, and trashing as she went.There were probably many things running around in her shishou’s slightly muddled head, so it was best to make time with the paperwork while she decided what to start with.

“Do you love him?”

It gave the young kunoichi pause, silly, offhanded memories presenting themselves immediately.That man who cleaned like a maniac, clung to her almost like a child, was so desperate to please?The man who had made her life hell, and then she found out he was going through hell with her?After this… things would probably get even worse.Konoha wasn’t the only place they could meet demons.Was she really willing to walk through that with him?Was she willing to stand by his side?

Did she really and truly _love_ him?

“…I don’t know.”

_Yet._

* * *

The chill of winter had almost worn off completely; the cold March winds were getting less frequent, and the spring days were getting more sunshine-y and warm.

Sakura dried herself and pulled her clothes on, ruffling her hair with the bath towel one last time for good measure.As always, things were still crosswire, haywire, and short-circuited; Naruto came by almost every day (at first it had been every few hours, so she could at least call it an improvement), and Ino teased her relentlessly about her lover.Itachi’s eyes followed her everywhere, his vigilance heightening the more she showed.The fact that he was able to _see_ proof of this child… well, she supposed it made things feel more real than only being told so.As careful and considerate as he was before, it felt like he was doing twice that now.

She didn’t even know that a _twice that_ had existed, but apparently it did.

While one hand filled out another ream of medical forms, the other stroked absently at her stomach.The thought of being a mother was constantly occupying the back of her mind, even as she worked.

It was ticklishly funny that Itachi had already disallowed her training.He would’ve banned her from leaving the house if it wouldn’t have made things so very difficult to manage.He was a ghost in the middle of a town that didn’t know he lived there, and unfortunately, it had to stay that way.Her duties at the hospital wouldn’t disappear just because he wished them away, either.Sakura laughed softly at the thought of his conflicted face; it was as close to a pout as he ever got, something much too cute for the face of a former S-class ‘criminal.’

He would be a good father.A little awkward, a little prone to spoil…but he would be a very good father.She was absolutely sure.

The quiet shift inside her stomach made a sudden thrill go through her heart.Giddiness followed like a sweet aftertaste, and she couldn’t help but think, _C’mon, little guy.I can’t wait to meet you_.

“Sakura!” Shizune stuck her head through the door and smiled gently.“I see you’re enjoying some ‘together time.’Tsunade-sama asked you to come to the maternity ward and get a physical.Of course, you’ll be ‘helping out,’ as well.”

In other words, she would be officially ‘going to help,’ and would instead be forced into a medical room for an afternoon-long exam.

Today, they would take a good, long look around inside.

Shizune would be handling the procedure, so there was nothing to worry about; they probably wouldn’t even use an assistant, unless they called in Ino off-shift.Sakura smiled and cleaned off her desk, following her senior out the door and down the many changing halls.

* * *

She was strangely skittish.

Until this morning, she’d been absolutely fine.Completely fine, and more energetic than he wanted her to be.Now — almost out of her first trimester — he really, really wished that she were more careful, more relaxed, _something_.

Skittish, however, was not on the list of things she needed to be.

He didn’t like that she was avoiding him.He didn’t like that she jumped every time he mentioned the baby.Most of all, he didn’t like how her stress would adversely affect the child, because right now (his feelings aside) that was most important.

Itachi stood beside the window of the room, a low-level genjutsu disguising him as his former alias, the mild-mannered and average-looking young medical ninja from Grass.Miyu had probably spread the tale that he was Sakura’s lover anyway, so the guise wouldn’t go unappreciated or confirmed.The shower that was adjoined to the master bedroom was filled with the sounds of bathing as Sakura washed away the sweat and grime (and maybe a bit of blood) from her day at the hospital.

Admittedly, he’d only seen one fleck of blood underneath her third finger, right hand… but he didn’t like the idea of her working on bodies… alive _or_ dead… when she was expecting.He didn’t.Not a bit.

He would admit he was being a tad overprotective.That was certainly the signal he was receiving from Sakura.In the background, the shower fixture squeak as his wife turned off the water; she would be out soon, and he could ask her, right?She… wouldn’t avoid the question, would she?

What was _wrong_?

Had something happened to the baby?Did something happen at work?Maybe Naruto had gone and talked to her about their relationship.Did he convince her that she didn’t want to be with him after all?That she didn’t want to have the baby?

_Their_ baby?

There was a gripping on his heart so tight and painful he felt at loss for air.In a flurry of confused grappling, he flung open the windows and thrust his head and shoulders out, breathing deeply.It didn’t really help.

She might not want him.Them.Would he have to convince her that, even if she… didn’t want to stay with him… would he have to convince her to have the baby and give it to him anyway?Their precious child… would it be their only?The sense of terror creeping in around the edges of his mind made him sick.He stared at the ground from their second story window, and it was spinning even though nothing was moving.

“ _Itachi_!”

His name was a dampened echo, so quiet and yet he was sure it was a scream; it was followed by a pair of strong hands latching onto his shoulders and hauling him away from the sill.In the fit of movement, he heard the panes clack shut, the blinds drop and the curtains draw.Before he even managed to look up, Sakura was in front of him, hand to forehead, wide green eyes staring at him in alarm.When Itachi’s vision started coming back into focus, and he nearly had a fit of his own.

In her rush to ‘save’ him, she’d dropped her towel, and was now kneeling stark naked in front of him.The sight might have been beautiful, but he was more concerned about her physical well being than his sex-drive.

“Sakura-san, get dressed.I am fine.”She gave him a dubious look.

“You nearly fainted and fell out the window, and yet you’re fine?”

“Yes.Please get dressed.”She was still staring at him, a clearly suspicious look on her face; but she stood and turned, going to her dresser, pulling out the clothes.The Uchiha watched her as she dressed, a twinge of heartache returning when he noted her softly rounding belly.It was just becoming noticeable, light stretch marks appearing as the skin tried to accommodate a second life.He felt a pull at his heart, knowing that it was his child in her womb. _His_.

He wasn’t supposed to ever have children.He wasn’t supposed to even have a second chance at life like this, and yet here he was.Was it all about to turn to ash?Was she going to say she didn’t want this?The insecurity that plagued him since Christmas returned with a vengeance, and like a little devil, it sniggered in the back of his mind, planting doubts and whispering about all his fears coming true.

“Itachi… about the baby…”

He thought his heart stopped when she said that; it was certainly still beating, but his breath caught, and he couldn’t bring himself to breathe normally as he waited.

“Now… now don’t say anything just yet, okay?I mean… I… I really didn’t expect this… so… umm…”She suddenly whirled around looked at him, her eyes squeezed shut.

“It’s a girl!”

Itachi stared at her.She was trembling with the force of that statement.She was afraid?Oh, the stress wouldn’t be good for the baby.Then his mental processes ground to a halt, and that was all he could think of.Before he could say anything, she continued, “I know you probably wanted a boy, but it’s a girl! D-don’t be upset, right?I’d understand if you were disappointed, but—!”

“Sakura-san.”

The babbling stopped, but her eyes still shut tightly as she stood frozen and stiff in the middle of the bedroom floor.She was trembling so badly it was a wonder her knees hadn’t given out from beneath her; at a lost for words himself, he struggled to convey just what he was thinking.

It felt a little like someone had just given him a miracle.

Kneeling down in front of her, as he might do for their little girl one day, Itachi took her hands in his and waited.It took a little while, but Sakura eventually opened her eyes and looked down at him, eyes shining in the late afternoon sun with all sorts of knotted up insecurities.He had no idea what his expression was telling her, but he did know that there was something to be said.

“Sakura-san… don’t they say that a man who gives his wife a daughter first truly loves her?”

To Sakura, as much as the words meant, his face said even more.She burst into tears and flung her arms around his neck, crying in relief. 

It was such a soft, fluffy feeling after all the tension drained away.It had her turning to jelly in his arms, her heart slowly tuning to his as their chests pressed together.The slow beat seemed to echo through them like a ripple, bringing them closer, melting them into one.Euphoria was the closest word she could think of for the feeling that, rather than overwhelming them, was diffusing through their bodies until it filled them to overflowing.They basked in a warmth that came from trust and openness, from comfort and affection utterly incomparable to anything the knew or held for another.

Sakura pressed a kiss to Itachi’s shoulder; it was a simple, earnest show of happiness that lingered long, and was followed one at a time by others.They trailed over his shoulder, up the side of his neck to his jaw, just placing all her heartfelt wonder and joy on his skin.His response was to hold tighter, to draw her close, one hand moving to press warmly against her shoulders.

In that moment, he wanted to sink into her existence, to wrap her around him and be surrounded by her; just as much, he wanted to encase her in all the love he felt, to compound her joy with happiness that overshadowed every grief others had ever given her.

In that moment, he took for granted the balance that had been so precariously wrought to bring them there.


	11. Get Out of This Town

“Rena-san, please take this chart to the B5 Lab Room, and let Motoyasu-san know that it needs to see research _after_ he eats something.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Sakura strode confidently down the hallway, her boots noiseless on the floor even if all the cacophony around her made footsteps unnoticeable to begin with.Even now, when she was almost due, she didn’t really show at all; her lab coat was sized a bit bigger just in case, but it hung off her moderate frame quite freely.

Many of the staff had already said it: you would hardly know she was pregnant unless you were really looking.The only reason everyone _did_ know was because some wall with ears caught wind of it.

The whispers were going around in fruitless, irrational circles.Who was the father?When did it happen?What did he look like?Where did she meet him?Was he a ninja?The questions were endless, and all she could do was sidestep them all with work, and rush home afterward.What was she going to say after all, when lying would’ve made her feel too guilty and the truth was too much for others to handle?She wasn’t going to deny Itachi at this point; it would’ve only served to damage the relationship they _finally_ had.His trust was more important to her than all the rumors in the world.

The baby in question moved inside of her gently.It settled to one side, making her stomach feel off-balance, but the little girl she was anticipating seemed content not to move any more than that.She seemed to be a gentle, quiet soul; like her father, really.

The little smile that quirked her lips was unnoticed by any other as she slipped into her office and leaned against the door.It took her a few minutes to stop fantasizing and get back to work, but when she did the smile still remained.

* * *

Itachi felt it before she even told him.Sleeping with his hand on her stomach, he’d felt the contraction ripple beneath his fingers.

He was in disguise and out the window with her before Sakura could even catch her breath.The contractions didn’t bother with intervals for long, and her water inevitably broke in midair.She grunted as she fought the pains, and mentally fussed at their child, ‘C’mon cutie; I can wait another ten minutes to meet you.How about having some patience?’

When they arrived at the hospital, Itachi barely waited for the automatic doors to open before he was shouting at the receptionist; the flurry of motion that stirred up around her so quickly made her feel confined, overheated, nauseous in a way that the contractions weren’t.She needed to breathe, but she couldn’t get anything but the hot, humid air that was overwhelming with the scents of people and alcohol.

At some point, Shizune shoved her way violently through the crowd, and helped Itachi past the onset of nurses; after that, Sakura remembered hearing Tsunade roar a command that had them back off altogether.When, how, the specifics of anything… the medic was never really sure until she looked back on all of it and thought very carefully.

There was a breather, so very brief that she was almost high for a moment before she came back down to earth.A muted cry ended her out-of-body experience in a way that had her eyes darting everywhere for a glimpse of the origin.

When she finally saw them, Itachi’s uncanny transformation was fading away rapidly as Tsunade handed him the baby. A baby with brown-black hair, just like her daddy.Her cries so quiet it made Sakura strain her ears to listen, her heart speeding up as exhausted senses reached for them.The babe’s hands were drawn in, not flailing around, and Sakura knew instantly that she’d been right; this little girl was just like her father.

That father was, at the moment, utterly dumbstruck.

Itachi stared down into that tiny face with such an expression that the mother didn’t have to wonder at all about what he was thinking.There was love and wonder, and a twinge of fear and guilt.There was a healthy amount of worry too; but after a minute, he moved over to the bed as smoothly as he’d ever moved before. Itachi perched there next to her, almost as if he were cuddling.Sakura could see the baby’s face then, as she pushed back strands of dark hair.It was shaped much like her own, with high cheekbones and a small nose that made her look a little like a porcelain doll.Her little girl.

“Musubi.”

The moment she said that, Itachi turned to look at her in a way much like he’d been watching their daughter.Sakura smiled, nuzzling Itachi’s shoulder.

“Musubi.Beautiful connections.”

Little as she’d said, there was so much meaning for it between the two of them that he very, very nearly cried.

* * *

The whispers were outside the hospital now.Everywhere she went, they followed her; Ino had taken to bringing them groceries to spare Sakura and Itachi the indignity of having to listen while their personal lives were not only misunderstood, but maliciously torn apart.They wondered with suggestive glints in their eyes if she’d been raped, or if she sold her body to make ends meet.Maybe she’d slept with a client.The excitement about the baby still had the upper hand amongst her peers, but outside of hospital walls, all anyone could think about was the ‘unwed’ mother.

_I **am** married, you picky old bastards._ Sakura stomped down the streets with a ferocity that normally sent her subordinates running.She’d been asked so many times already, “Is it hard, being a single mother?” that she was ready to have a conniption.She would gladly do so for a little peace, but it had a 98% likelihood of backfiring. _Picky, picky, **picky** old bastards!You’re all brown-nosing gossip-mongers!Argh!_

She was standing ramrod-straight, to the point where her back was hurting; her fists were gripped so tightly that she might’ve drawn blood if she hadn’t been wearing gloves.Like this, she made her way back from the hospital and up to their apartment.

There, in the living room, was the reason she was doing this.

Itachi was curled up on the couch, Musubi carefully tucked into his arms.She was giggling sleepily, reaching up to touch her father’s face, and when she did, he would gently kiss her little fingers.Itachi heard when she came through the door and looked up, his expression withering somewhat when he saw her.Sakura was absolutely sure it was because she looked like rage in human form, but she mentally thanked him for not stating the obvious.

“Are they giving you trouble?”She would’ve simply flopped down next to him, but instead, she maneuvered very carefully.Upsetting Musubi would’ve made a bad mood worse at the moment, even if her cries were quiet.

“The newest theory is that I slept with a client who refused to take responsibility for a ninja child and that he gave me money for an abortion I refused to have, and I’m using it to live off of while I take maternity leave.”

If Itachi got any more still, his heart would stop.She cooed at her daughter and smiled when the baby’s spring-green eyes lit up.When she looked into her husband’s face though, she saw absolutely nothing.It was the void that he’d plastered on for all his years in the Akatsuki, where no one would be able to tell what he was thinking.She didn’t like it.Sakura made a point of it too, standing and taking their daughter from his arms, turning away to their room.She felt him startle at the movement, and follow her.

She knew he would ask why.

“Sakura-san?”

“You’re showing some ugly old habits over there.”She balanced her infant in one arm, and unbuttoned her shirt with the other, unbuckling the strap of her undershirt so that it slid down around her middle.Musubi was quite happy to be fed and didn’t hesitate a bit.“Looked just like you did when I met you four years ago.”

She didn’t like not knowing what he was thinking.Being completely blank meant that she couldn’t count on things to be all right; she wouldn’t be able to count on him to be rational.There was a loosening on his aura now; she could read it, and it was an apology by itself.It was enough to forgive him.

“Sakura-san…I’m sorry.”

He meant more than ‘I’m sorry for getting angry.’He meant ‘I’m sorry for not being able to do anything’ too.She consciously regulated her chakra so Musubi wouldn’t sense her frustration.Itachi was a good man, a good husband.He watched his little girl all day, cared for her; even at night, he would be the one to answer when she called so that Sakura could sleep.He was bearing a heavy workload with the house, and when Tsunade called upon him for a special mission, he would always answer and complete his designated task.He was certainly taking care of them like no one else would have.

Yet the gossips passed it around like truth — Earthquake Haruno was a single mother, so poor that she used money given to her for an abortion as living expenses because she was too righteous to kill the unborn baby.Working at the hospital, keeping house and caring for a child, yet proud as ever, too proud to even ask for help.She didn’t hire babysitters, so did the babe stay at home alone all day?The father is a mystery; she must have been raped.Oh, but she’s too strong for that, so it must’ve been that she sold herself to make ends meet.Well, serves her right for disgracing herself that way — now she has another mouth to feed.

The stories, the backstabbing comments, were endless.They had no foundation and yet were widely accepted by any who didn’t know her personally.

It didn’t hurt her.It really didn’t.

Itachi was another matter altogether.

* * *

“Oh, Haruno-san!It’s been a while, hasn’t it?How’s your baby?”

“Sakura-sama!I haven’t seen you since Musubi-chan’s check up!Is everything all right?”

“Oh you know you can just call me if you need someone to watch the little doll!”

“If you’re having trouble making ends meet, Sakura-san, I’d be glad to help out.”

There was a permanent tick mark on Sakura’s forehead.Now, little old ladies were one thing.They just had to be left to it.Coworkers were another thing; they understood the stupidly large workload she had, so she’d let it go.

But ex-dates?Not even boyfriends, but _dates_?

Hell no.

Hell _no_ , was she going to take money from some guy she let walk her home from a goukon, especially not when she could tell that he was going to try to use it as a way to get close to her.That was unforgivable.She looked the prick dead in the eye and said it.

“If you want that balloon you call a head to stay attached to your neck, keep your nose out of my damn business, and never come near my daughter or myself ever again.Clear?”Rather than staying to encourage a proper answer, she turned on her heel and promptly stomped away down the hospital corridor.

Sakura _had_ someone to help.She didn’t need a babysitter, because Musubi was being properly taken care of by _her father_.She didn’t need monetary help; Tsunade gave her a raise and allowed Itachi to take quickie missions here and again that were worth three times her normal paycheck.She didn’t need it.

Any of it.

Any…

…of them.

The idea was charming as it occurred to her, delightful in a morbid sort of way.Who said she had to stay here, enduring this god-awful treatment?Who said she and her daughter had to live amongst a people that would discard all their previous praise for her the moment something unexplained happened?Something kin to steel seemed to start flowing through Sakura’s veins, and the tension that had riveted her shoulders until they bowed seemed to ebb away and disappear.It was replaced by an icy, bracing resolve that felt an awful lot like a tailwind, and damn if she wasn’t going to ride it.

* * *

Ino was supposed to be watching Musubi; Itachi hadn’t been gone for more than three hours.A quick little cleanup of some rogues roaming the border, no big deal.There wasn’t even any blood on him to call attention to.

He returned to find their apartment sacked of its belongings, though.

Cabinets were hanging open, and most of the crockery was missing.The coffee pot, the mugs and glasses, the tableware, and all the food from the refrigerator were gone.In the living room all the electronics were missing, all the books, a number of his wife’s files.The throw pillows were missing off the couch, as was the blanket he usually left there.Itachi shot down the hall towards their room, and barely took the time to notice that all the pictures were missing from the walls.He could tell in one glance that everything was missing from the linen closet down the hall.

The door to their room, always closed, was cracked open.

Inside, Sakura was cheerfully making her entire wardrobe disappear into a storage scroll.Musubi was playing on the floor, raising her head every now and then to watch her mother march from one end of the room to the other with great vigor, a man-sized load in her arms disappearing each time into the apparently large-capacity document.

“Sakura…-san?”

She paused, looked up, and suddenly a bewilderingly large smile bloomed across her face.“Welcome home!Perfect timing.Is there anything you want to do before we leave?”

“Leave?”She nodded, her load again poof-ing out of existence.She practically skipped up to him, and wrapped her arms around his neck; before he could begin to question her actions, she kissed him.Affectionately, yet excitably.He didn’t understand.

No, he really _didn’t_ understand.

“Sakura-san, what do you mean by _leave_?”

“Exactly what I said, Itachi.”She smiled, and for the first time in forever, she looked… happy.Or rather, confident.

“Let’s blow this joint.”

Bright as he generally seemed to be, the most the Uchiha could do was stand and stare at her for several long, blank seconds.When had she come to this conclusion?Why?With no discussion whatsoever, she was already five minutes from having them ready to hit the door.Mind boggled, he tottered to the edge of their bare mattress and sat down, staring at Musubi on the floor as she played with a blunted, wooden shuriken.

“Itachi?”

“Why are you —?”

“Ah!You’re stuck on why I’ve suddenly decided to leave my village to fend for itself, right?” she grinned and perched on his lap, looking him in the eye matter-of-factly.“Because they’re a bunch of nosey assholes that will do nothing but make us miserable for as long as we let them… and I just don’t feel like letting them.”


	12. Crazy Dreams

“Let’s get out of here; let’s hit the road, find a place where we can be just as we are without people harassing me about being single or Musubi about not having a dad.Let’s go to a place where walking with you down the street doesn’t mean looking at a stranger’s face.I’m ready now.Tsunade-sama, Naruto and Ino know the truth, and that’s good enough.” 

As he observed her, brain slowly grinding into gear again, he realized Sakura was in civilian clothes.A dark green tank-top with her clan’s crest and a pair of black cargo pants.Her light running boots had been exchanged for steel-toed work boots.There was no medic apron on her waist, though he could smell a little of the medicines and salves from her pockets. 

She lashed the two massive storage scrolls around her waist and his, tied Musubi securely to her back and dragged Itachi out the door without looking back.

His transformation wasn’t up in time.In fact, he was so distracted by his wife’s uncharacteristic behavior that he forgot it altogether.

The medic dragged him by the hand down the street, half-skipping and grinning like someone had just sent her Madara’s head on a silver pike.Only a block away, she stopped in front of a florist and yelled at the top of her lungs.“Ino-pig~!Your DARLING SAKURA AND HER HUSBAND REQUEST YOUR PRESENCE AT THE FRONT OF THE SHOP~!”

He choked.By this time, passersby were staring — gaping, even — and he realized his error.Too late to do anything, however; the blonde was at the front door of her shop at the same instant Sakura finished her sentence, blue eyes so wide he vaguely thought to warn her about them falling out of their designated sockets.

“Forehead, you idiot!What’re you doing parading him around like this?!”

“I came to tell you ‘bye.”The grin was something you could hear even without looking.“So, anyway, as a last service, can you have some yellow roses and some of those gorgeous white orchids sent to Naruto?I know the orchids don’t mean this exactly, but I’m not exactly going to stop by the Hokage’s office with this guy en-tow.The village would start up a lynch mob.So here’s the message; are you ready?”

“Wait a sec, Sakura–!”

“To Naruto: Sorry bud, but I’m off.You’re the last of the original Team 7.”Hearing her voice suddenly so somber, Ino simply stared at her best friend, listening bewilderedly as she gave the dictation plainly and clearly.Ino didn’t want to believe it, but she was hearing it now and watching Sakura as she said it.

“I’m off now.I don’t know where we’ll go, or what we’ll do when we get there.Itachi and I can’t stay in Konoha, though I should’ve known it from the start.It’s not fair to anyone, but that’s the way it goes.

“I’ve got some crazy dreams, just like you.I’ll become a doctor in some small town where the most they’ll ever need is a midwife and a medicine-maker.My husband will do some ordinary job extraordinarily well, and people will possibly wonder why, and yet never ask.My beautiful daughter will be the talk of the town, and maybe, just maybe, she’ll grow up a little too much like her parents.She’ll be a dreamer just like you, because I want to raise her to find her own way, whether it’s as a ninja or not.

“Maybe one day in the future, a girl with black hair and green eyes will show up, and she’ll storm Konoha with a force that will remind everyone of Earthquake Haruno.At that time, I ask you to take care of her, okay?

“Don’t worry too much.If you ever need me, just look and I’ll pop up out of nowhere.I’ll beat all the bad guys, and keep this place safe.Even if I leave, the Village Hiding in the Leaves will always be my home.

“From Sakura.”

Green eyes stared back at Ino; just as bright and brilliant as the leaves their village was so well known for, they glittered with a sad, strong light.A loving light that shone and said that no matter how determined she was to leave, in her heart this would always be her origin point, her homeland, her beginning.

Her home was here, where Ichiraku Ramen demanded most of her spare time, and where Naruto would down seven bowls of pork ramen at once.

Her home was here, where she’d graduated the academy and learned not only the skills for everyday life, but also the skills to live when her life was on the line.

Her home was here, where her team had come together, and where it had also fallen apart.Where Sasuke and Kakashi were buried, and Naruto lived.

Her home was here, but her heart belonged to the man behind her.Wherever he was, she would be there and her heart would be whole.Itachi was staring at her practically agape, eyes filled with an overwhelmed wonder, and Ino could understand.He didn’t see it coming.He probably hadn’t expected anything of the sort from Sakura.

He probably didn’t even realize how much he meant to her.

Before the blonde could gather herself to start complaining, Sakura had spun around and was leading Itachi by the hand to the North Gate.

By now, the alarm had spread throughout the village: Uchiha Itachi was alive and within the city walls.ANBU were showing up on rooftops, and everyone with a half-pint of courage and some skill was turning out to follow them as they sprinted down Main Street.Sakura laughed.Instead of crying, Musubi giggled too.Itachi was still too confused to do anything other than watch as joy spread across his love’s face, her eyes bright and brilliant and laughter filling his ears as though her burdens had never been so light as they apparently were right now.When they reached the gate it was already closed, but she didn’t even bother.Without even slowing down, she sped up the wall and onto the roof above it, pausing there and turning to the crowd gathering on the ground behind them.Now didn’t look to be the time for admiring familiar faces… but that was exactly what she was doing.

“I love him.”

The moment she said that the noise died to shocked silence.Itachi himself felt his heart almost stop, and he turned his glance from the crowd back to the face of his wife.

It was… the first time she’d ever said it.

“I love Uchiha Itachi, and to all you brown-nosing gossipers, I was _never_ a single mother.Itachi was with me the whole time.He’s been living in this village, in my apartment for almost a year now.”The cries of distress were low and nearly inaudible, people attempting to suppress their anxiety in the face of a potential predator.Sakura smiled down at them, and she looked for all the world like a benevolent angel, her eyes softening on their shocked and outraged faces.“I’m leaving, and taking my husband and daughter with me.We will always be Konohagakure’s allies, though I will no longer be bound by the village’s walls.I wish well each and every familiar face here.Believe me, I know you all.I even have your medical records memorized.”

She winked mischievously.“Kotetsu-san, Izumo-san, you’d better see about getting brides soon; you won’t be young forever.Shikamaru, don’t for a minute doubt how much Ino loves you; she turns so green with jealousy when Temari-san is around that you’d mistake her for one of her prized flowers.Hinata-chan… I’m glad you and Naruto finally got together.Sorry I had to drug your drink that time to make it happen though.”She took a breath, turned, and placed a gentle kiss on Itachi’s lips, stunning him, and turning his cheeks a brilliant shade of crimson.

His first experience with public displays of affection.

The lovely, lively bride he’d chosen grabbed his hand and said her last goodbye before they disappeared into the forest beyond.

_ Goodbye, home of my childhood.I’ll always be watching over you. _


	13. Wheel of the World

The city was teeming with life.Buildings that were once patchwork nightmares now stood clean, straight and tall — signs of a prospering, stable village.Merchants harked their wares on the main street, and the flow in and out of the hospital was thin; children played in the park by themselves, without parental supervision, because it was alright that way.

This was Konohagakure, the Village Hiding in the Leaves.

The Hokage Mountain now had six faces carved upon its weathered surface, and it was upon the sixth that a lone figure sat and stared out over the city.His orange and black cloak rustled in the wind that moved through the unruly hair carved out of stone around him, and the sun washed down on him from the cloudless sky.Like that sky, his blue eyes watched the city that had blossomed beneath him.

“Hokage-sama.”He grimaced.

“Please don’t call me by title, Ino-chan.It’s disturbing.”

“Whatever you say, Naruto-sama.” He face-faulted and growled, turning around to look at the blonde mind-walker behind him.Her face was dead serious, but he knew that impish light in her eyes.Soon enough, she broke and giggled beneath his glare, moving to sit beside him on the warm crag.“Sorry.I just have to sometimes, Naruto.”

His eyes turned back to the village, as did hers.The silence around them was only disturbed by the sounds of life floating up from the streets beneath, and it was welcome.

“Tsunade-sama was looking for you.She said your paperwork was filed screwy again.”

“It’s fine.I can find it, so who cares?At least it’s all done.”She sniggered.

“Yes.Who would’ve thought that the number one prankster in our year would have such a clean desk fetish?”

The stilted conversation ended there for a moment.Essentially, that’d been what she needed to tell him.Now that he knew there was no need for her to stay, and yet stay she did because there was something… on her mind.

“Four years is a long time, isn’t it.”He surprised her by saying it first, but she wasn’t shocked that it was on his mind, too.

“Too long.Think we should pass around some bad rumors and see if we can flush her out?”She was only half-joking, but he smiled wryly at the thought.

“No.Wherever Sakura-chan is… I’m sure she’s happy.”

Four years.It _was_ a long time.Their village was so different from when she’d left; he wondered what she would remember.Ichiraku was in the same place, but the little ramen stand had expanded into a full-blown restaurant now.The old yakiniku place had burned down, and in its place was a Mongolian barbecue place; the yakiniku shop had moved further down the main street.Her old apartment was still there; but of all things, Ino and Shikamaru — now about to come upon their third wedding anniversary — were living there, only a block from Ino’s shop and a three-minute trip to the training grounds where Shika’s genin team met daily.

The world was still turning like they’d never left.Maybe like they’d never been there.

He would never forget, though.

Like a carnival ride, they’d suffered the ups and downs together.They’d seen lives sacrificed and saved, birth and death, beginnings and endings altogether.They’d suffered the same betrayals, and been rewarded with many of the same hard-won friendships.Her mark was in this city, in places people forgot to look — places like the hospital, with its specialized poison research lab, and the nurses who ran it so skillfully.It was evident in the craters still found in some of the old training grounds.It was evident in the empty Uchiha complex, where she had scrubbed away every fleck of blood, cleaning the place for years until Sasuke had died.Her name was still written in this place; from the books in the Academy to Kakashi’s headstone, her presence remained in every path one could walk.

The wheel of the world turned and turned, unrelenting and yet… at times, he could almost feel her walking beside him again.

* * *

“Chika!Musubi!Don’t wander too close to the river!”The two youngsters glanced up from where they were, and promptly came closer to the house, tumbling through the golden wheat with laughter bubbling from their throats.

A beautiful woman in a brightly colored kimono smiled, and turned back to her pestle and mortar, carefully grinding the herbs inside into a fine powder.Her soft pink hair was piled elegantly atop her head, a few rebellious strands escaping to frame her face.The young man before her was nearly awed in her presence, but she paid him little mind as she packaged the medicine, and slipped it in the bag with several other doses of the same strong stuff.

“Have her take one every morning before breakfast and one every night after dinner for the next week.No alcohol, no tobacco products, and only weak tea and water.If she shows any adverse effects such as difficulty breathing or rashes, or other ill symptoms, please come and consult me immediately.”

“Ye-yes ma’am!”She nodded firmly, and he almost skittered off the porch, back towards the dirt road that led into the small town only 20 minutes’ walk away.She watched him go with a bit of satisfaction and a smile on her face before turning to gather her tools.

Sakura’s steps off the porch were light and so quiet they were lost in the rustle of the wind in the wheat.She stood above the brook that bordered the front of their property in a matter of moments and stooped carefully down to its clear, dark waters.It wasn’t hard to clean her tools there, but she did risk dirtying the hem of her kimono with her actions.That was fine, though.She was a medicine maker, not a princess.

She looked up at the sky, and just as she did, sturdy hands wrapped around her waist, a pair of softly wandering lips kissing her behind her ear.Her eyes gentled, but continued staring up.

Up, into the true blue sky that reminded her of a certain pair of eyes.

Four years…really is a long time.

“Feeling nostalgic?” Itachi guessed.Sakura gave a quiet hum, leaning back into his chest and relaxing.“We could always go for a visit.Harvest season is almost over and hunting season hasn’t started; it’s a good opportunity.”

It was an ideal opportunity indeed; all her patients with chronic illnesses were recently stocked on medicines, no babies were due, no critical cases to keep an eye on, no plagues threatening the countryside.Itachi’s metal-smithing and woodworking business always slowed down between harvest and hunt, as people were too busy stocking their storehouses to indulge in shopping for whimsies or commissioning tools to be remade. Only four years old and Musubi was already showing skills worthy of entrance to the Academy…

Going back was just… intimidating.

“We haven’t heard from them in all this time, you know.We changed our names when we came here, and no one’s come looking,” she muttered, turning back toward their simple, old-fashioned house.She set her rinsed tools on the porch to dry, continuing with, “We don’t even know if they would welcome us back.The whole village knows about us now; if they saw me, they’d still associate me with you… and if worse came to worst, I could get out.Musubi and Chika though…

Itachi shook his head with a small smile.“You have no faith in me, do you.”

“I object to that!” she snapped, only to realize she was being teased.Sakura stared at him, brain turning his expression and words over and over until she realized exactly what he meant.“You _know_ something!”

“What an accusation.Yes, I know something.I know many things, Sakura,” he said softly, “including that I was pardoned last year with an official dishonest retelling of events that paints Madara as the devil and portrays myself as an unfortunate soul chosen to be a double agent beneath him.I hear there was a great outcry about the injustice of it all.”

She stared, befuddled.

“So we can go back now…?”

He nodded, “Without consequence, and permanently if you so wish.”

Sakura sat on the porch of their home and thought about it.They’d been here nearly all of their four years.Chika had been born here; Musubi didn’t remember their apartment in Konoha but had all her favorite places right here in their dozen-acre parcel of land.Itachi had a moderately successful business — as did she — and they led comfortable, quiet lives that didn’t involve midnight rooftop dashes to emergency rooms full of the dead and dying.It didn’t involve kill or be killed, or deciding whether injuries or sickness were accidental or intentional.It was almost idyllic here, in a nation small enough to host no armed force of its own. 

Then her husband smirked in a devious way, and lilted, “Or I could just pack us up in a couple of extra-large capacity storage scrolls and drag you there.”

Startled, she laughed.That might very well be the best way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over and done! Damn, this story is old. I'm having to just skim the Grammarly corrections because otherwise I'll be tempted to rewrite half the damn story. TTATT
> 
> I hope y'all enjoyed this. It's old as dirt, but I was so damn proud of it at the time. I grew a lot with this piece. I can even see where I was starting to connect with my anxiety and depression at the time — what I wouldn't have given to recognize the symptoms earlier.
> 
> It's been a real lark, guys. I'll try and get more new stuff posted soon. Cheers!


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